Top 10 Most Endearing Qualities in a Human Being

by - Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Don't you love those experiences where you meet someone and you just really like them? I have been reading (and talking) a lot lately about how it becomes increasingly difficult to make GOOD friends as an adult. The Boy and I have lots of theories on this, and one of the main ones is that when you are a kid, your criteria for friendship is really low. He likes to play, you like to play, TADA!! you are friends. As adults, people can turn you off for myriad reasons- they have a different ideology, they say something that offends you, their set pattern of communication or behavior doesn't jive with yours, they misuse the word myriad, they talk to much about themselves/ their children/ their opinions on why Happy Endings is the most under appreciated show ever, they treat you like a kid, they smoke to much weed, etc. We get a lot more stringent about what we are willing to tolerate, and once you are paired up or have your solid group of friends, you have no reason to put up with someone else's business. We are better at gauging our compatibility with others.

Despite this, when you start thinking about the friends you do have, the ones you have had for forever, maybe they wouldn't be the people you might connect with on these sort of superficial levels. For example, almost all of my close girlfriends that I have kept forever are much more conservative than I am, and even though that can cause friction now and then, it certainly isn't a defining characteristic of our friendships. So what is it that really endears others to us? Ok, this is my list of totally shallow and completely deep reasons that I have decided I love people right as I get to know them.

10.Someone who genuinely cheers for the other guy- I mostly find hyper-competitive attitudes to be a real turn off, especially when people are competitive about things that don't naturally encourage competition (anything that isn't timed or where you score points). As I have often mentioned, we are currently obsessed with Wheel of Fortune, and every single time I cheer for the person (or people, it's a good-natured show) who seems genuinely excited and happy for the person to their left who just won a trip to Florida. I cannot help but like people who just like other people. They are undeniable forces of nature just by smiling and being happy for someone else.

9.  Eye contact and smiles- In Europe, this sends the message you want to have sexy times. Here, it means you are probably a fine person. The simple act of being present can be increasingly challenging, and it is easy to let face time with a new person pass you by, so if someone really looks me in the eye and seems present in our conversation, it is hard not to like them right off the bat.

8. A Sense of Adventure- Doesn't everyone love the friend that you know you will have a crazy story or new interest every time you see them? Even better are the people who you can count on to bring more adventure in your life. That sense of joy and fun and curiosity can enable the same qualities in yourself, and a much as routine is happy and comfortable, that growth is important to just feeling really alive. I feel like you can tell how much a person is willing to stretch, be open-minded, and challenge themselves early on, but this is also one where I am always being pleasantly surprised. Even old friends can come out of nowhere with plans of a zip lining trip or learning a brand new skill, and I just eat it up!

7. Writing letters, cards, and thank you notes- I try so hard to be good about this (I'm not) because I fucking LOVE getting mail from people. There is something so touching about someone taking the time to actually hand write a note. I guess you don't know this one immediately about someone, but I am thinking of some of my favorite people in the whole world, and they are card and letter people.

6.Freckles, bad dance moves, strange trivial knowledge, wearing fun shoes or earrings, crooked smiles, strange tans, bad fashion choices, silver hair, different colored eyes, uneven walks, sad eyes, calling someone dear (in a sincere, noncondescending way), the smell of cigarette smoke, beautiful weathered hands, public hand holding, being ugly beautiful, talking with your hands, being excited about something, unidentifiable accents, Kiwi accents, dirty nails, the sniffles, really distinguished eyebrows, strange ticks, and warm colored auras (should actually look this up, before I start throwing this word around!)

5. How they visibly, palpably love others- This is the simple heaven of watching a groom tear up when he sees the Bride come down the aisle (this has totally melted my heart to some of my friend's spouses) or seeing some celebrity get emotional when they thank their parents or kids on award shows. When you see that kind of love come out of someone else, no matter who it is directed at, it has to make you smile.Also, on a different level, seeing people be kind to people they don't know, especially servers, nurses, flight attendants, etc.

4. People who are willing to be the boss, who just say what they want and own it-I love people who take ownership of what they want. I never mind being bossed around (especially by someone who knows what they are talking about), but I would rather rip my hair out than try to decipher what a passive aggressive person is really asking of me or who expect me to supply an opinion or activity to them as if in our relationship they are the consumer and i am the entertainment. I love people who are passionate and courageous and engaged in what is going on around them, and I think bossiness or assertiveness is a necessary by-product of that. So I am all about it 9as long as iti s done in a respectful way of course).

3. Randomness, Open and unapologetic Uniqueness, especially when paired with a genuine lack of self-awareness- When you meet someone for the first time, and you really fell you have just never met this person before. One of my favorite people we have met here is a total original- she's a wisconsin girl in love with a bad boy (after 30+ years) who loves talking about her old radio dj weed smoking days (oh she can talk forever about legalizing marajuana), knitting, and Game of Thrones. Also, she is a nanny and the only person whose mere presence calms all infants, because I swear she is an infant soul. She lacks any kind of self-consciousness so she will talk through hymns and unknowingly ask people uncomfortable questions a second time when they try to brush her off the first time. She makes the pseudo laid back alphas of Silicon Valley so uncomfortable, and that brings me joy. With enough parsing of the details, we are all originals, and seeing someone's unique qualities just illuminates what a miracle they are. How can you not love someone once you see just how weird they really are?

2.They are (almost excessively) open-Just a few weeks ago, I fell in love with an older woman at our church because she was so open with me right out of the gate (The Boy, when asked, said that the thing that most endears people to me is 1. How much they are related to me and 2. If they remind me of someone related to me, and 3. If they are old. He is right that I love people over 70- she checked off 2 of these boxes). She also went to Stanford for a PhD in the early 50's (and also gave it up after the masters degree), and she told me all about meeting her husband. Don't you love when you meet someone and they really let you know who they are right off the bat?

There is one couple we meet up with maybe 4 or 5 times a year that I absolutely love, because the girlfriend is just so open and willing to ask really probing questions. Everytime we see this couple, you would think we would do the "hey how are you" type of catch up, but instead within 5 minutes we are talking about the challenges of moving in together or about the pressures to have kids and the disappointment of reconciling your image of adulthood with the reality of it. Things that go deep enough to make both of our significant others incredibly uncomfortable. I LOVE that.

1. A Good Sense of Humor- This is key. If someone makes you laugh, it is impossible not to like them. If they have a great big unique laugh themselves, that is a big bonus.

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  1. I smiled a great deal whilst reading this -- dare I say, a myriad of times? :)

  2. I just stumbled upon your blog while searching up "endearing quotes," and I don't usually do this. But I just have to say, that whether you know it or not, you are a very special person.



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