Every year, we look back and pick the best things we wrote in the past 12 months. 

Well... it's been a year. And not a particularly productive year. Between quarantining, election efforts, and a new baby (see: major sleep deprivation), I haven't had the bandwidth I wish I had to keep up as well as I have other years. I know we all feel that a bit. I am grateful to come out of this year healthy and safe, but I do have trouble not giving myself a hard time for things left undone (and so many posts left unfinished). 

That said, I was pleasantly surprised at our year, what did get published, and how it definitely reflects some of our most pressing concerns. I was worried I wouldn't even have 10 posts to choose from, but I had forgotten some gems from way back in January and February. 

Let's dive in! If you haven't checked out these posts, it is well worth your time! 

10. 100 Etsy Shops We Love

If you are going to buy something new, let it be from a maker, not a corporate machine. More and more people are looking to support jobs in America and not by imported things. Etsy creates a fun and streamlined way to support lots of makers and get some of the coolest stuff out there. This is our list of favorite Etsy shops after 5 years of browsing and making lists! I love this list so much. 

9. 7 Vegetarian Carrot Recipes that Even Meat Eaters will Love

I love a good vegetarian recipe round up, and they didn't get done this year, but I did find a few gems at the very beginning of the year. Check this one out if you are looking for new vegetarian ideas for 2021. 

8. 101 Books to Read to your Kid Before Kindergarten

This one doesn't have a ton to do with the environment, but it was super fun to write. I love children's books, and I spend a weirdly large amount of time thinking about the books I put in front of my kids. These are all awesome. 

7. An Outdoor Project Inspired by Andy Goldsworthy

I think creativity and time outside are my two favorite antidotes to consumerism. This art project is simple, fun, and combines the two. If you are looking for a fun project to try with your kids, this is always a winner. 

6. The Best Eco-Friendly Gifts for Kids

This is the first blog post I ever made with the help of my son, so I am so proud of it. It was so fun to show my 6 year old some of my ideas from over the years and hear his thoughts on what makes a really cool gift (spoiler alert- it's hot wheels. In his world, all the best things are hot wheels). I think I will return to this post myself year after year when brand new toys and plastic stuff seem really tempting. There are just so many better things out there. 

5. 50 Vegetarian Meals Even Picky Kids Will Love

The biggest personal change most of us can make is to eat less meat. Like way, way less meat. It can be hard to change set habits, and even harder when kids are involved. So, I wracked my brain thinking of as many vegetarian switches I could come up with, so you can start Meatless Mondays, Vegetarian Lunches, or giving up meat completely. Trust me, someday your kids will thank you. 

4. Everything You Need to Know About Ethical Maternity Clothes

I kicked off 2020 megapregnant, and after three times, I have maternity clothes figured out. This post put all of my pregnancy clothes knowledge in one place. Believe it or not, there are good options out there, so check out this post for ideas. 

3. 100 Online Shops to Try Instead of Amazon

I don't shy away from an Amazon link because if someone is going to shop at Amazon, better they pick the more ethical option. That said, Amazon has become a major problem- it squashes local businesses and has truly terrible environmental and labor practices. So, before you buy on Amazon, here are 100 other shops to try. 

2. Where to Donate Food

It looks like we will end 2020 much as it has been all year- with many of our neighbors in tragic crisis and at risk of going hungry. Food banks have been an absolute lifeline in 2020, but it's important to know what kinds of food donations are actually helpful. This post is one of my most popular all year, because I know many people are looking to help others stay fed. 

1. 8 Way to Help the Environment While Social Distancing

It was a crazy year, and so many of those little habits that have made up our lives have changed. It created some set backs for living a more environmentally-conscientious life, but it has also created brand new opportunities to face down the problem. Early on, when sweet naive Barbara thought it would be a month or two of quarantine, I brainstormed ideas on how to make the most of this time. They still apply, and there is still time to do some good in the midst of all the terribleness. 

Check out these posts if you missed them, and thank you for reading this blog! Even more so, thanks for taking positive steps in your own lives and TELLING ME ABOUT THEM. It completely makes my day to hear about your secondhand finds, your vegetarian recipes, and your reusable sponge. Seriously. Hopefully 2021 will be a better year for all of us. 

This month is all about weddings, and you can find lots of great advice on planning weddings, but the wedding registry doesn't get too much attention- it is one check on the neverending to do list. And who really wants to focus on it anyway? It feels really selfish to spend too much time fixated on what is basically a giant wish list. You find a list and get it done. Easy, right? Not too much to think about, and you can focus on things that are more fun and creative.

 I know I look back on our registry and have some regrets on how we went about it. Starting tomorrow, I will re-post my Eco-friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry this month, but here are a few of the lessons I wish I had learned before our wedding:

1. You aren't as Clueless as you think you are

 I remember clinging to those lists you can get at Bed, Bath, and Beyond or on Pinterest because I felt like we didn't know what we needed. It feels intimidating and rather grown-up, like something you can mess up. You can't really.

Those lists, mostly provided by people who want to sell as much as possible, define lots of things as "needs" when they aren't really even wants.

 It's ok to take all of those lists with a grain of salt and temper them with family advice and your own sense. There are stores in marriage, so if you decide you need a turkey roaster later, you can still buy one.

2. Sets make no Sense

 Knife sets, pan sets, most sets; they all give you stuff you don't need or won't use. You are better off to register for individual items. Get the knives you want/ need, and a knife holder like this gorgeous one or this shabby chic one. It creates smaller but better quality items that people can afford instead of big honking sets that either no one is going to splurge on or is cheap and won't last long. Think of place settings- a bunch of gifters can collaborate to gift you a full set.

3. Pick a Wide Variety of Price Points

 Don't register for anything crazy and do more smaller items than big ones. I have attended so many more weddings since we got married, and the trick is always finding the right combo of things to get close to the budget we set. Most people won't go big, so think about how you can break the big stuff into smaller parts (perfect option? Split up your silverware)

4. Get Things to Keep Forever

It can be easy to register for things that make sense for the moment, but won't last all that long. Other than non-stick pans, your wedding gifts should last for as long as your marriage! Heard of the Buy it Once movement? It's like that, except you register for it once and never have to buy it. You can spend your money other ways. Register for things made in America by trustworthy companies. Better to get one well-made spatula that lasts ten years than a set of junky ones that last two.

Easy rule of thumb? Stay away from plastic. The material lasts for many years, but its usefulness doesn't. Stick to glass and metal. This will save you money and be better for the Earth.

5. Don't think you need it? Then, You Don't

Every year another study comes out that shows American have way too much stuff (300,000 objects in the average American home) and it is making us stressed and miserable. Do your life and marriage a favor and remember stuff= stress. It does not make you happy, it gives you more to move and clean.

One of the most conscientious things we can do for our future and our Earth is to buy what we need, and nothing more. You need not prepare for the contingency that you become completely different people in the future. If you do, there will be stores there too. If you never bake, you probably don't need a Kitchenaid mixer. If you never host the Dowager Countess, maybe china isn't for you (most of us have heirloom china in our future anyway). You know your life.

6. Don't Replace What Still Works

 We registered for a lot of things we already had and which worked just fine- that is crazypants. You are only going to get so many gifts, why waste them on stuff you already have?

 When they first did this whole wedding registry thing, a wedding was the literal beginning of adulthood, and people moved out of their parents' homes, so they needed everything. Things don't look much like that now; most of us have long lived out of our parents' houses (often with each other) before we marry. So the first real step is taking stock of what you already have and making a list of what you need or you need to replace. So, you can reconsider the whole list based on what is on it's last leg, not just register for a toaster because that's what you do. Your toaster is fine, friend.

from Shannybeebo

7. Step Out of the Regular Registry Box

 Yes, Crate and Barrel, Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, we see you. Consider registering somewhere like Etsy, where you can get cool (and vintage) stuff that you would treasure forever. You will not treasure that plastic clock from Target, but register for a cool clock from Etsy, and it might grace your kitchen walls when you make your 40th Thanksgiving dinner together. They have great measuring cups, blankets, and all sorts of things on there. And they have their own registry now, so you can do this easily.

Other companies aren't featured in the big stores, but they are the best out there.1888 Mills makes towels here in the US, but you have to direct people because they won't just pop up. The possibilities are wider than stores want you to know. You want to register at two or three places, so as long as one is pretty mainstream, you have some room to get creative.

8. Every Bed Needs Two Sets of Sheets

 That's it. One to have on while the other is being laundered. Maybe a third if you are somewhere where seasonal switches make sense. More make no sense and clutter your life. Also, flat sheets are an abomination, but you do you.

9. Do it Early

 Yes, you will hate it, and it feels so weird to hop right on the gift train, but doing your registry should be an early step in the wedding preparation.

One easy first step hardly anyone takes is to just go to your local consignment store. If you can find a water pitcher you like there for 2 bucks, wouldn't you rather not register for the 40 dollar one? Your guest can get you something you couldn't find instead.

And please, for the love of all things sensible, no one register for mugs. The world has enough, and if you really need them, Goodwill has you covered. This step might take you a minute, but it can do a world of good by keeping things out of landfills, saving you money, and redirecting your guests to the gifts you really need and can't find elsewhere.

So start thinking about the registry early.  One of the nice things about this is you can keep an eye on how it is doing, so if you need to add more things, you can. Don't over-register. Register only for the A Team, and if a price point is looking sparse, you can always come back through with the B Team.

10. See this as an Opportunity to Take a Positive Step

 Most of us don't see a wedding registry as an ethical set of decisions, but every purchase we make is. I feel a lot of sadness that I really didn't care about the ethics and environmental impact of things when we were registering for our wedding. There are so few times in life where you get to buy (or at least choose) so many products at once. Think how many trips from China a regular pile of wedding gifts make. That means tons of fossil fuels in use, tons of environmental waste, and a high likelihood that someone was treated really badly so you could get what you want. This is one time you can take your regular impact and multiply it by your guests, so every change you make really counts.

It's easy not to think about it, (and really who would want to- it's a lot of extra work on an already huge task) but you can make a profound positive difference in the world That's why I made these registry lists, so you know that options exist for almost every object you would want on your registry. Made in China is not inevitable.



  If you make the commitment to think about your registry in a different way, adding a few recycled items, or even just change over to American-made when it makes sense, you can save fuel, save yourself money, and start your married life off on the right foot. It's worth doing, and I truly wish we had thought about this more when we could have. Learn from my mistakes. And check out the Eco Friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry!

picture by jenny bickel photography

I want my children to have less than I did.

I know this sounds crazy. Who says that? The American Dream includes the idea that we all give our children more than we had. If we are good parents, we dream for abundance for our children. That if we are doing things right, our children have more than we had.

What happens if we want our children to have less?

At the very least, I want my children to have less stuff.

I don't think I have fewer dreams for my children than any other generation of parents did, and I do want them to have more in some ways- more adventures, more stability, more sushi than I did, but I think in the long run, we will do our children a tremendous service if they have less possessions, less spacious living, less baggage.

Before you get offended on my lovely parents' behalf (I am grateful for my upbringing and my husband's), hear me out. We are offered so many conveniences and gadgets to help manage our life, but those conveniences come at a deep cost that our children and grandchildren will have to pay.

-Too much costs our kids their healthy food and water. The (then still relatively new) disposable diapers our parents used for us 20 or 30 years ago still have 400 years on this planet, in the landfills and soil our children will eat from and the water they will drink. These options are way more prominent now- those HORRIBLE snack pouches can't be recycled, so you have saved 3 minutes now, but that pouch will outlive your grandkids. Not actually that great a deal.

- Too much costs our kids the environment. The plastic toys we played with as kids will also outlive our children, and how many do you really remember? Why not only get used or recycled plastic toys for our kids?

- Too much costs our kids their future jobs. Because the market creates a demand for LOTS of toys (more toys is better than better toys), parents are looking for toys that are cheap. To make cheap toys, mainstream companies like Fisher Price and Melissa and Doug make all their toys in China. Those cheap toys mean someone is treated badly, fossil fuels are completely wasted in shipping, and more American jobs that can't compete with the prices fold. So fewer American jobs.

-Too much costs our kids their own happiness. Overconsumption when they are kids set them up for unhealthy habits through adulthood. If something breaks, replace it instead of fix it. More will make you happier (it's proven it never does). We all have to ask when these piles of stuff stop helping us and instead weigh us down.

- Too much costs our kids their time with us. It's well-documented that new American parents are pretty miserable. Some of these problems- like a cultural lack of a support system- can't be solved this way, but other's can. On average, our generation of parents lives in 1000 square foot larger homes than our parents did. What are we doing with all that space? And think of how much time all that extra space (and stuff that fills it) takes- we have to clean all of that! And if you have a toddler, you know life is like 80% cleaning. If we live in smaller spaces, our houses may not scream abundance and variety, but we win a lot of time back to just spend with our kids.

This dream of bigger and better keeps us working that much harder to just survive, when just surviving can be hard as it is. I see these beautiful pictures of children's spaces that look modern and pristine, not overun with toys, books, and clothes. I don't think my house will ever be that minimalist, and I am certainly still new at this.

 But the idea of effectively giving my children less is an ongoing challenge as a parent (we are in need of a purge at my house right now), so I thought I would share the ideas I have had and what has really been working. No one is going to be perfect here, but we can all do a little better. It will make a world of difference to our kids. Let's do this.

1. Say Goodbye to Cable

Enough opinions are floating around about screen time (it rots your kids' brain vs. screenphobia is just the latest stand against Stay at Home Moms), but my beef isn't with a screen. Pick the amount of screen time that works for your family, Netflix it up, but stay away from media with ads. When you have cable, or you are watching any programming directed at children, you need to weed out these overstimulating and overpromising snippets.

Ads are designed to send a constant message- you aren't enough, you don't have enough, and that you won't be happy until you have this thing.

This is a pretty dangerous game of desire for anyone, much less kids. And before you roll your eyes and think your child is above it, just remember that these people really, really know what they are doing. They get degrees in how to send that message. They do research on how to do it most effectively. They get paid millions of dollars to do it. This is a serious business, and they are good at it. But, there is no law saying your kid needs to watch things that tell them what they want. Even

You get to choose what normal is, and do your kids a favor by keeping cable out of your home.

2. Just Stay Away from the Toy Section

Kids can't want every toy on the shelf if they don't know what is on the shelf.

The best way to get out of this game of desire is to just refuse to play. Stay out of the toy sections of most stores, and they won't know every little thing that is out there. If your kids are older, don't shop at stores you know will cause drama. Will this save you from the occasional breakdown in the grocery store? Nope. Does it mean your child will never want toys they see at friends' houses? Nope. Is this guaranteed to save you from Elsa or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Nope.

But it does make wanting stuff less a part of their regular life. We are trained to see wanting more as a regular part of life, but I have had really good luck sidestepping this whole narrative by staying out of places that encourage them to want stuff.

When we are at Goodwill, I will let my sons pick out one thing to take home. Anywhere else, they can look, even touch, but nothing is coming home with us. The less time we spend in Target's toy aisles, the less I have to have this fight.

3. Slow Your Roll Out

My sister in law taught me this, and it is genius. When her son would get a giant pile of loot from a birthday or Christmas, she just packed a bunch back up and gave them out when he seemed bored with the last thing. After Christmas, let 2 or 3 gifts stay out, and everything else goes into storage. As the previous gifts wear out (over weeks and months), another new object can come out.

We love that feeling of abundance, that fantasy of the super full Christmas tree, but gifting that way isn't very practical and the kids can't appreciate it anyway.

Kids can only process so much at a time, so those big gift mountains seem cool, but lots of toys get lost in the shuffle. Most children do get sick of things. Instead of constantly needing new toys, you just use what they were already gifted and Christmas last much longer! When they are little, they will not know the difference. When they are a little older, you can let them choose what will be a "now" toy and what will be a "later" one.

from Mum in the Madhouse

4. Make Giving a Family Tradition and Habit

At Christmastime, many families have an advent calendar with treats inside. What if this year, each member of your family gave one thing away every day in Advent? Or connected it to holidays that you celebrate? To teach your kids about taking better care of the Earth, you have to illustrate the act of giving. Let them pick toys to gift.every day during a holiday season, then go together as a family to give it away.

Make it a tradition, whatever time of year you have the most time. Have your spring cleaning tradition include a big family day where you drop things off and donate things to charities. Let them participate with you on Buy Nothing once a month. Pick what works for you, but pick something and include your little ones.

Another way to bring this in? Don't have gift birthday parties; if you think people can't help but bring something, ask for donations instead. We have been to cool parties that collected for women's shelters and for the humane society. Decouple holidays with "you get lots of stuff"- you will be surprised just how little they miss it!

 I whole-heartedly believe that we have to model the behavior we want to see from our children, so if you want them to be generous (and non-materialistic), then you have to make giving a regular part of life. It well help your house stay cleaner, help them assess what they really care about, and in the end could be such a fun tradition!

5. Celebrate a New Kind of Birthday

Birthdays can be a serious challenge if you are trying to raise kids with less stuff. Even if you don't buy a lot (we buy our kids one gift for each birthday), one party full of well-meaning people, and your house might be overflowing with plastic nonsense.

So one of the key skills to protecting your kids from stuff is answering the "what does Betty want for her birthday?" question. The answer should always start with "Honestly, time with you. She loves being with you!" Encourage family to gift experiences and memberships instead of toys. Doubly encourage them to actually go and have that experience with your kid. They won't get that immediate high of a gift being opened, but I guarantee you that memory-making time (at the zoo, the symphony, at a park for a picnic, at their favorite pizza place, check this post for ideas) will become an addictive gift. Need more ideas? Check out these posts for 1, 2, 3 and 4 year olds' minimalist gifts.

That said, some people will never listen to you. Brush it off and move on.

The other big key? Throw a No Gift birthday party. In some areas, saying no gift is pretty commonplace, in others, it is mind-blowing. Either way, you are doing the right thing AND opening the door or some other parent to do the same thing. Here are our best tips on how to say "no gifts" on an invitation without offending people. Stick to it by skipping the terrible goodie bags full of nothing, so you aren't giving unwanted gifts either. Give really good food and a fun time instead.

That said, some people will still bring a gift. It's ok. The goal here is to cut down on gifts, not to eliminate them completely. All of these things give your child the gift of seeing celebrating as something bigger than just receiving things.

6. Spend More Time Outside

Inside, my kids will beg for screen time or dump out the toy basket looking for just the right Hot Wheels car. Outside, they can stay busy with a stick and a pile of rocks for HOURS. Encouraging exploration and imaginative play outside helps your child's development. Time outside encourages a love for nature, collaborative play, and growing that beautiful imagination.

I love play outside. For whatever reason, I am a better mom just from being outside. I am just calmer and happier, I don't have to worry about mess, and I let my kids take more risks. My goal everyday is for my kids to spend at least one hour outside. Studies show 4-6 (!!!) hours is ideal. Outdoor play reminds us just how little kids need to entertain themselves, and if you have reached the end of your rope with your kids, my best advice is to just go outside.

7. Don't Buy Characters

If given the choice, our kids are going to want the backpack or lunch box with their favorite character on it. Who wouldn't want Moana with them at school? I highly recommend you buy things with plainer colors and make them last. Your kids' taste in characters will change, sometimes pretty dramatically, but a plain red or blue backpack/ lunchbox/ bed spread can last many years. Shop with the intention for something to last 5+ years, because the longer it lasts, the less you have to buy.

If you want to make it fun, look up patches or stickers on Etsy and add the characters in a more low key (and removable) way!

8. Stress Connection, Not Consumption

We know that people use shopping and consumerism to try to avoid problems from loneliness to sadness and more. Even for kids, we are looking to improve moods or avoid the ever-terrifying boredom. Our kids need more connections to others, not more consumerism!

Don't shop as a passtime. Have a playdate instead. Especially when they are younger, encourage their friendships and cure boredom by spending time together. Go to a playground, library, or community center; the goal here is to encourage them to find newness and excitement in the company of others, not in the accumulation of stuff. This seems obvious, but it is one of the things each generation struggles with more.

This also makes life easier on the parents, especially stay at home parents. You need connections too. These relationships with other parents and other kids can minimize boredom and offset the loneliness of being a poop manager all day long. You definitely get a positive rush from shopping, but sustained happiness comes from the feeling of being in a community and the bonds we have with others. Just shifting our mindset to focus on those bonds will also change our relationships to stuff.

9. Don't Buy More Storage, Cut Out Stuff

The first problem lots of us face is that our house is ALREADY overflowing with stuff. How can we be minimalists if our house is already out of control?

It can be so tempting when the toys are taking over to think of more storage solutions. I get that, and I am not saying we don't have a plastic tub of toys in the basement, but before you get another toy box, book shelf, or hot wheels shelf, why not just give things away?

To have a house that makes sense, you need places for everything to go. If you no longer have enough destinations for toys, maybe there are too many toys. If you have so much storage that your kid can't see all of their toys in a day, you probably have more than they need.

This can be particularly helpful if you start when your kids are older. If you talk about their things in terms of a limitation of space, you can narrow down the things that need to stay based on spatial limitations. They can only keep as many books as fit on the shelf, toys that fit in the basket, etc. Just know, they will not pick the things you wish they would. You have to have some peace in that before things even start.

passed to us by a neighbor, passed on to a third child in the neighborhood

10. Swap, Borrow, and Get it Used

The difference between a minimalist lifestyle and a house full of stuff (even for kids) is seeing possessions as temporary. Join a library and you always have a resource for new books (and a place to connect with other moms and kids). Join your local freecycle or Buy Nothing groups, you can pass kids stuff around. Just ask friends if they want to do book or toy swaps to switch things up in your house.

 I feel like as kids, we treated our toys and collections like they were essential parts of our identities, and it made it hard to let them go even as adults. But your kid can still love Frozen without having every Elsa and Anna item in the world (is that even possible? God bless Disney and their marketing genius). Only a few things can be precious, everything else should be moved around before it sticks to a spot on the shelf.

Every parent of a toddler is constantly encouraging them to share (it's tough!), but this is a way to push that a step further, treating sharing as a part of life. The more they do it, the easier it gets to flex that muscle. That said, if they are adamant about keeping something, don't push it. That can set them up for failure later. But keep borrowing and sharing; it's a good feeling!

11. Have Confidence They Have Enough

This is easy to say but so hard to feel. Parents right now are under constant pressure about how they manage their kids, their time, their money, everything. We can look around and see someone else who is doing a better job in various ways. We feel self-concious because that Stay at Home Parent gives their kids so much time (and loves to talk about it) or the double income household has so many resources for travel or activities. We feel frustrated because we can't give our kids everything they want. We try to compensate by giving little gifts because we can see how happy it makes our kids, even for a second.

We have to have confidence we are giving our kids what they need. Parenting is so tough, because success can me so hard to define or measure- how do you ever know if you are doing alright? Sometimes shopping is as much about ourselves as our kids, because we can at least feel certain we are providing. A bigger house or well-dressed kid makes us feel like we are filling their needs well, not just enough.

Abundance feel like success, but it isn't. You know that, because no number of shopping trips really makes us feel like we are enough. If it worked, you would feel amazing already. Don't set your kid up for the same race with no finish line.

You are an amazing parent, and this job is HARD.

There isn't a void that you need to fill. Nothing you can buy will make up for that thing you wish you had done better.  It's a cliche, but your kid really does just want to be with you. Go to a playground instead of a store, and you will give them something worth remembering. Get clothes and toys used and save your money. Your kid doesn't know the difference, and you just have to keep building yourself up that you are  doing great at this job just by caring and getting in there. I don't know how to build this confidence more other than reminding ourselves, but it's a constant battle we need to fight. Buying mostly doesn't make us do a better job, but taking the pressure off and just enjoying our kids does.

12. Use What You Have

We all know kids love cardboard boxes, but it is amazing how far you can make one cardboard box go for play time. Blanket forts make amazing memories too, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

At my job, people donate all sorts of objects that could be "art supplies" for a shopping space and classes for kids. This includes baby food jars, toilet paper rolls, flooring samples, jewelry boxes, gift wrap, broken crayons- all kinds of stuff we tend to see as junk and throw away. But you reframe that for a kid (turn the jewelry box into a robot, use the toliet paper rolls to make fireworks, make a "home" for a stuffed animal), and you can provide hours of entertainment, conversation, learning, and creativity. This isn't conjecture, it is my job and I see it all the time. Junk, when mixed with creative framing, is always an opportunity. Need a rattle? Clean and fill an old bottle with beans.

 That kind of creative play isn't always easy to come up with, so thank goodness we live in the time of pinterest. You can find so many ideas on there.

13. Slow it Down and Just Be Together

I know I am so guilty of this one. As an introvert parent of an extreme extrovert, I often feel desperate for a minute to just catch my breath (or check my email), and some days I know I don't enjoy the time with my kid as much as I should. I feel sometimes like toys are partially just tools to give parents a minute.

Whenever an older generation parent tells me "Oh it goes so fast," I try hard not to roll my eyes. Really? Because this sleep deprivation is making everything move in slow motion. I feel like a zombie, but with worse skin and hair.

But there is a lot of wisdom in the suggestion to let things go and slow down to our kids' speed. It doesn't mean we don't get those minutes or that we don't deserve a break while working and parenting, but when you are going to be there, really be there.

 The Bub and I have literally spent hours (this week) playing with a baseball hat and a pair of kitchen tongs. Even with older kids, you don't need many objects to have a perfectly great time. Go for a walk. Go to a playground. Just listen to them. Children are just tiny human beings, and they just want heard like everyone else. A game of tag (or robot tag) can be more fun than any toy, so the more you can focus when the quality time comes, the fewer things you need.





So there you have it, buy less and give more. It will help them be their best selves, minimize everyone's stress, and you get to clean less!

Change the goals and you may just raise kids who aren't as caught up in this consumerist minefield we are all trying to navigate right now. We both know it creates a lot more work, a tremendous number of problems, and very little of the happiness or solutions that we are constantly promised. We can protect our children's futures from waste and from that constant want by shifting our attitudes now. Let's give ourselves a freaking break and give our kids less.

So, Buy Less, Buy Used (and Recycled), and Buy Local (and American). 

10. Kamik Rain Boots

 We needed to get our Seattle toddler some rain boots, but none were coming up at consignment stores (or at least ones that would fit him). This child deserved to stomp some puddles, for goodness sake! So I gave in and started looking for some boots we could feel good about. The answer? Kamik Boots are family-owned, made in Canada or the USA, and they will recycle your boots' materials after they are out of life.

They have boots for all ages and genders. Honestly, their toddler girl ones are simpler and cuter, but these raincloud boots have turned out to be gems (and work perfectly with a Pikachu costume).

from Amazon

9. Best Manufacturer's Whisk

 The Christmas before last, The Boy and I bought each other whisks for our stocking, because our hand me down one bit the dust. Both died this year. The wires popped out of the handle. Damn you Giada!

To replace our broken stuff, we bought a Best Manufacturer's whisk. Made in America, and it feels so much more solid. I am pretty excited to have one that can survive our toddler (who loves to mixa mixa mixa). When your whisk bites it (but not before, since it is always more eco-friendly to use what you have),

8. Reusable Nursing Pads

The first time around, I got two big boxes of nursing pads, and because you only sort of get things, you don't realize there is NO REASON they shouldn't be reusable. The same milk will be spit up on rags you will just wash. What about breast milk needs thrown away? So I got these pads from Love your Reusables, but you can find all sorts of reusable nursing pads on Etsy. My other favorites are from Marley's Monsters, because fun prints never hurt.

7. Our Big Trip Souvenirs

 When we left for our big trip last December, my goal was only to buy things made in New Zealand or the Cook Islands. I feel like in the past, we spent our share on stuff that was Made in Elsewhere with "Peru" or "Austria" written across it. If we were traveling to New Zealand, that is where I wanted to leave my money.

Surprising, even to me, was that we actually succeeded in the goal! We found so many great things, from Christmas ornaments to jewelry to a little sheep for our baby all in local stores and made nearby.  The trick isn't anything special, just actually check tags and bottoms, and look out for stores that seem to carry more original stuff. And have faith that if you haven't found a "Made in New Zealand" Christmas ornament yet, there is one just around the corner. Patience and flexibility are key, and I found we liked what we ended up with for ourselves and for gifts way more. Not more expensive or particularly more difficult (except that we visited during their big holiday), the goal just required that we paid attention.

From here on, this is how I am traveling. Because I want to travel further than my stuff travels.And if I am bringing gifts from abroad, why buy things made in the same factory as junk they already have?

6. Gallery Leather Planners

This year I gave up my beloved Mom Agenda because it is made in China. If something is maybe with cheap labor and paper, but it costs 50 dollars, what do you imagine we are paying for? Instead, I tried this super affordable planner from Gallery Leather. I actually like the designs inside better, it is hardy enough to survive my toddler, and it looks hilariously class considering most of my daily plans are to not get puked on (too much). I don't miss my old planner at all.

5. Piano Lessons

My favorite Christmas gift this year (which, to be honest, is still in the works- it has been an extremely tough December) is piano lessons for our niece. Maybe she will hate them, maybe she will love them. But this girl is the coolest, and it was fun to get a gift she was excited about that didn't have anything to do with cursed American Girl dolls.

 I preach a lot about buying experiences, but I do confess it is a risk with kids. But I think this landed, and I can't wait to hear this girl play Old King Wenceslas on the piano. And learning to read music is a gift that will stay with her way longer than any American girl accessories.

from The Scarlet Oak

4. Reclaimed Wood American Flags

I used to love buying holiday decorations, and we would go to Michael's and splurge. Now, we have lots of stuff we don't really use, and I want to buy one or two things new TOPS for the whole year (I don't think I have Goodwill splurged, but I would). This year, we went big with a reclaimed flag from The Scarlet Oak on Etsy. I love that it is from Murfreesboro, TN, and the flag turned out so cool. It is going to look really great for a long time. and it is helping me let go of the plastic and sparkly Michael's stuff.

3. Rachel Pally Maternity Dress 

I spent the majority of 2016 super prego, but since it was my second pregnancy, I mostly wore leftovers. What I didn't already have, I mostly bought used, but I did splurge for one new maternity dress. It's this beauty from Rachel Pally, who makes the majority of her clothing in the United States (including this). I loved this dress. I felt so so pretty in it, even when I was the size of a small boat and the pockets were filled with sniffly tissues. I had no business feeling as pretty as I did.

Was it cheap? No ,but it wasn't terrible, and I still spent way less money than I would have if I hadn't bought most everything else used. This is one of the best parts of changing your approach to shopping- when you buy way less, and most of it you buy used and super cheap, your splurges can really be great. And this dress was just the best.

2. Wagon, Treehouse, Airplane, and Play Table Day of Awesome

 I love Buy Nothing and I love buying things used. Reusing things others are done with keeps something out of a landfill and saves us so much money. Especially if you have kids. We have probably saved way over a thousand dollars this year by buying all our kids' clothes used and by getting so many of our toys on Buy Nothing. If you haven't joined one yet, please, do it. It will make life better. Used had a bad air about it when we were kids, but I think buying used actually is one way we can make our kids lives and world better.

One day sums this all up. In the morning, we were picked for a radio flyer double wagon, so we headed over to the neighbors to pick up this wagon. It doesn't look brand new, but it's fine, and the 170 dollar item cost us 0 dollars. Later that afternoon, we went to another neighborhood in the city for their big community garage sale. We bought a playmobile airplane for 5 dollars (as opposed to 75). Last, we found a little play set, which we had been searching for all summer, and since it was the end of the day, the owner threw in a pirate play table. Retail price is about 250. All for 20 bucks.

I won't buy fresh plastic toys and I don't think a toy needs to travel across the world so my kid can play with it. A lot of the links I share with you make these choices seem expensive, but when you remove the stigma around used stuff, you can save more money than Black Friday could ever offer (just that day we saved about 500 dollars). Also, we had a fun adventure! We mostly haven't put the toys into rotation yet, but the playset and airplane have both been massive hits. Days like this make me happy to be shifting our lifestyle.

1. Paper Culture Photo Cards

 I used to have near obsessive Shutterfly loyalties, but I am so underwhelmed by their options for cards. Why no recycled paper, Tiny prints? Why not be more forthcoming about where things are being made? Because of that, I am now exploring other options like Artifact Uprising and Paper Culture.

Instead of getting our Christmas card from Shutterfly (or even Minted, who do offer a recycled paper option), I am now all about Paper Culture. Not only do they use 100% recycled paper. They also plant a tree for every order placed. At least 400,000 so far. That's awesome. Their designs and prices are right in line with the other stores (and they have great sales), and they do more good.

We took the leap and tried them, and the card we bought feels and looks great. Will definitely buy from them again, and I hope you are willing to try it too. If companies like Shutterfly see that more and more people want more eco-friendly choices, maybe they will offer some themselves.

Shutterfly, our love affair was long, but I am slowly moving on. Better options exist.

These are my favorites from this year! What eco-friendly and made in America purchases did you make this year? I can't wait to see what cool stuff we discover in 2017!

This week, more than any, really makes me reflect on how much I miss Franklin, how different my life is not being a part of my hometown, and (more so every year) how long I have been gone. From what I can tell, lots of people who grow up in Franklin go through this sort of thing. You leave Franklin for school, hopeful that you will be able to come back, and then you realize there are no job opportunities for you there, and essentially you can't return even if you want to. These are some survival skills I have learned in my 9 (!!!!) years away from home:

10. Be clear about your priorities- Being homesick is one thing. Figuring out what you value about life, family, and PLACE is another. Place is important, and knowing what you need from the place that you live will make life much better. Maybe you need a strong community. Or you just need to recognize the people you see at the grocery store. Or you want simplicity, stability, and safety. They are different needs, and different types of places can suit them.  I am certain now that if we move somewhere else, I would rather live in a more urban area, because you spend less time passing Costco's and Chili's and such, and you see more people because you are on foot more often.

Update- We did this! We live in an urban area and we actually have seen people we know in stores and on the street. So awkward, but really wonderful too. 

9. Go Back when you need to- Everyone will need immediate support (you need to find some people around you to have a community) and longterm support, which is usually family. Be honest with yourself about how often you need to come home without going crazy. I need to go home every 2-3 months, but I think The Boy could go much longer. At the same time, understand that this is never going to be a long term solution. If you have kids, especially ones in school, you will not be able to travel as much, so if your travel schedule is a stretch now, you may have to re-strategize again and again.

8.Talk to people who went through it- My Grammy and Grampa grew up in New England and only moved down to Franklin when their kids were in school.I like looking at how they have found a place, and in some ways chosen to remain distant, in the community, because it makes me hopeful that eventually you can make another place your (sort-of) home.

7. Be Flexible/ Ready to get Lost- This applies to wherever you are at; it is probably larger and more complex. Put yourself out there, and get lost now and then. The scarier side of this is actually you have to be flexible when you go home, be ready to feel a little lost there as well. Things will continue to change and grow while you are gone. Even though Franklin feels a bit like a living time capsule, it's not, and the more time you spend back, the more you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone has moved on without you, and that it isn't what it was when you lived there.


6. Enjoy the digital world- Skype, facebook, picture phones. They are all awesome. You can be as connected to the people you love as you want to be with technology, because at the very least you can know what they are up to on a regular basis. We love skyping with Petey and Wobby (and other family too!), because we get to talk to them and be silly with them between visits. I love seeing pictures of my girlfriends' kids, because they change and grow so quickly.

5. Celebrate your Franklin holidays, even when you can't be there- Apple Week!!!!!!!! I wonder if we could do Light Up Night. Setting off fireworks seems like a dangerous move? I wonder if I could do an ice sculpture next year? So many choices. It can be fun to think of ways to make your current home more like your hometown.

4. Read The Derrick online- It is helpful to keep up with what is going on, at least in a very basic sense. Plus, I get to read my Dad's articles.

3. Find communities where you are at- It won't be the same. You won't be hanging out with people whose grandparents were in the army with your grandparents.But every place and every person have something to teach you, so you have to take advantage of that knowledge and opportunity. I bellyache about the Bay often, and there are a lot of things about the way people treat each other that can be tough for me to understand. At the same time, I have met some spectacular people here, and we can drive to the beach whenever we want for Whaleventures. And I discovered garlic fries and the best dentist I have ever had in my life. Now, when we talk about leaving or moving, I feel sad, because I know I will miss certain things about my life here.

Update- In Seattle, we have found some really great communities with people we really really like. Having kids help, though I would not recommend that as a go to coping method. This part gets easier and easier as the years pass by, and I would be so sad if we had never met the friends we have here. 

2. Understand that you are going to do a good chunk of the work most of the time- This has been the most shocking, complex, and ever-evolving lesson I have learned living on the other side of the country. First, when you live in a small town with most of your family, and where roots run deep, people are used to a particular function of a relationship. When you leave, people assume that you chose to leave, so it is your responsibility to take care of all of those relationships when you leave. I know this is true, because I felt that when my family moved away as a kid. In the same boat, they won't miss you in the same way, because you are just a small gap in their sheet of paper, but for you, all that is left is that little shred, and everything else is gone. If you live far away, people will visit you and it will be great, but you will find yourself on planes much more often.We have lots of family members who give us a hard time about never visiting, but they have never come to see us. We have some family who talk about visiting, but they probably never will. You have decided to make those relationships a huge priority in terms of money and time, so it can be hurtful when you realize that you aren't a priority in the same way. There are multiple ways to reciprocate effort in relationships- some people are much better at calling than we are, or who send us cards (which are so exciting to get). Learning to appreciate that effort is really important.

At the same time, it is alright to realize that a friend that still wants us to drive an hour every time we come home just to see them (after buying plane tickets and spending a day in transit) maybe just doesn't care that much. A small town allows a lot of friendships out of convenience to continue, because they continue to be convenient. Just because it is long doesn't mean it has a ton of depth or value. It's alright to stop chasing people just because you are home. Now, the only people we will go see without them asking are our grandparents, parents, and siblings. We make it clear we are coming home, and we will always say yes if people ask, but we don't worry about it much from there, and we are ALWAYS ridiculously busy. It is important to be honest about the frustration attached to this situation, while understanding that these people genuinely have never been in your shoes, and still identifying all of the positive things, love, and reciprocation that do come from coming back to Franklin.

Update- We have had a good number of visitors. Again, babies help with this. I find too that at this point, the sting of this has worn off. It's easier to not care, and I don't feel as sad about it. People are going to do whatever makes sense for them and they are able to do. If you don't get the support you need from home, instead of bellyaching about it, try to find support/ be a support to people nearby. Other people will be transplants too. 

1.Be strategic about your visits home- My Aunt Ann is really smart about this, that every time she goes home, she basically tells people where she will be at and let's people come to her. We run ourselves ragged trying to see everyone and do everything we want to do while we are home. Learn from mistakes and try to be patient with yourself when you are home. If anything, the bright side of #2 is that it gives you some freedom from feeling guilty. If I have come home almost 40 times over 5 years, and you have come to see me twice, even if I don't give you as much time as you want, I have probably still done alright. When you come home, you have to get what you need out of it (go eat Leonardo's bread, walk down Liberty Street, and visit your grandmas), and if people care about you, they will try to meet you halfway. Coming back can be tough, but this is the place that you missed, so enjoy it how you enjoy it.

This is a throwback to two summers ago now, but after so much crappy news, I thought I would bring it back in case anyone else needs a reminder that there are great things about this country. 

I don't know if everyone has been feeling this way, but the Supreme Court rulings on labor unions and religious preferences for corporations (businesses aren't people, and Hobby Lobby isn't all that representative of my faith) really bummed me out on a week where we are all supposed to be pretty excited for our nation's birthday (also fireworks, I love fireworks). Despite the immediate frustration of the week, I feel like there are so many reasons to feel good about this country. That's what I want to reflect on now:

from scotusmemes.wordpress.com

10. That we can fight about weeks like these- I want credit for writing the majority of this blog before I read Pag's article this week, but he made a good point, so let's add it here. RBG is a national treasure, and her dissent reminds us all that we have the right to speak openly about our disagreements. We always have the right for real discourse, whether we get in our own way about it or not. I am happy that I can live in a country where I can disagree with you, and you can also think I am full of it.

Update- RBG continues to be totally kickass, but this week talking about Justice Sotomayor might make more sense. 


9. The Rocky Mountains- Driving up to these mountains was one of the most giddy, pride-filled moments of my whole life. Does everyone have that feeling? One of the great things about America is that it is so large and complex that you can live here your whole life and still have it surprise and awe you. It's like learning something new about someone you care about and it only making you love it more. The Rocky Mountains makes the whole place feel bigger.





8. All National Parks- Each time I go, I am pretty blown away that my ancestors lucked out and landed in such a big, strange, and beautiful country. Plus, even on busy days, I have found people at National Parks to be good to each other (unlike airports or shopping malls).




7. That so many people volunteer- 1 in 4 adults volunteered last year, 7.9 BILLION hours of time given to others. Think about how much money that is. Even more exciting, our generation is one of the volunteeringest of recent history, which is pretty impressive when you consider we have infamously been short jobs and basic adult maturity. Our country values donating your time and giving to others (volunteers are twice as likely to donate money as non-volunteers). And it makes building up civic life in our country a team effort, which is pretty badass. Plus, think how many people would never learn to use tools (me? Am I the only one?) if not for this kind of thing. You see the value in your labor when you give it away.


6. Parades and Community Events- Because you get candy, and bands play, and you end up running into someone you really would rather not see. Also, because parades and the like are just another way we give away our time, labor, and often our talents so that the immediate world we live in is a more colorful place. If regula volunteering is a collective effort to help people survive, things like this (mostly i mean toddlers trying to twirl batons) is what makes that life worth living. Americans give their talent away in spades.

Update- I have a whole new appreciation for parades after going to the Fremont Solstice Parade in Seattle and seeing the naked bicycling. We are a diverse bunch of people, and we can be crazy and weird, but I believe in public space and I believe in celebrating anything (even naked bicycling) together.


5. Road Trips- Just drive between any two states in the USA, and you will be happy you live here.  Kitschy roadside attractions, scenic splendor, and convenience stores (I mean, can you really top Sheetz?) are all pretty awesome. 

from aproposfrance-usa.blogspot.com

4. That we are so different from each other, and that is good- I love having classes of kids of so many races and cultural backgrounds. Difference is one of our greatest strengths as a country, and I love living in a place where that difference is mostly accepted. We can all do better with this, but the first step is just appreciating how freaking cool it is that people in Hawaii may have very little in common with people from Nebraska culturally but that just means they have things to give/teach each other. I know this is naive and idealistic, but I believe it anyway, because I have seen it at work.

Update- Wow, this one makes me feel sad, because I do feel like we are losing this as a country, allowing fear and xenophobia keep us from appreciating difference. I hate to see people, especially my family and friends at times, see someone's difference as a potential threat. I still believe in this for our country, and I still see it on an interpersonal level everyday, but we need to fight for mutual understanding on a larger scale. The bright side is for every attempt to make us more afraid, someone else makes a push for greater understanding. Let's not lose this. 

from friendsofspl.wordpress.com

3. Public Libraries and Museums- Feeling bad about the country? Go to a public library. These institutions (and free museum systems like the Smithsonian) will make you feel better, because we prioritize learning enough to make it available to everybody. Plus, they are almost always staffed by cute old people, who just make everything better. If you were thinking to yourself a few minutes ago "Self, I should really volunteer more often" I would try helping out your local branch.

from http://gaymarriage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=004857

2. The incredible amount of progress that has been made on gay marriage- Doesn't it do your heart good when you read yet another state has changed its stance on gay marriage? I know this is a boil that is a long time coming, but the turn around of public opinion and the adoption of these rights have been very inspiring. I am hopeful this momentum just keeps going, so I can raise my kids in a country where this systematic discrimination is a part of the past. Marry on!

And now- This battle has been won, and I am so glad, but I don't think we should just pat our back and move on, since recent events prove that there is violent hatred that still exists for this community and for transpeople. There is a lot of work left to do here, but I still feel encouraged that attitudes shifted so quickly, and it gives me hope for other areas (like environmental stewardship!).


1. Basically anything that has to do with The Boston Marathon- Nothing better encapsulates the greatest parts of us as Americans that at the Boston bombing, people turned and ran toward the bomb to help rather than turning away to ensure their own safety. The city's long term response to a truly awful moment are so inspiring, and seeing the images from the race this year will put nearly anyone in tears. I feel the same way when you read about the many people who go to help rebuild New Orleans or who have turned September 11th into a day of service. You have to feel good about living in a country where such dark moments consistently bring out the goodness in its people. I believe we are a country of really generous, kind, and courageous people. That's what I like to think about on the 4th of July as the fireworks go off- the light that chases out darkness. 

And now- We still have amazing helpers everywhere in this country. I was so inspired to see the pictures of people in Orlando lined up around the block to give blood to help the shooting victims. Or the story about Chick Fil A bringing food on a Sunday, complicating their image as gay-bashing. I think what it shows is that when we see someone needs help, Americans do something. Our desire to help trumps a lot of the other feelings swirling around right now, and I am so proud of that. 

Yay America! I hope there are light things going on in your life as our summer has started on such a dark foot.