Dear Dolly Parton and your Book-Slinging Angel Minions,

First, I want to say thank you for distributing do many books to so many children through Imagination Library. What a genius and generous idea it is. I heard about your library, where you can have a book sent to your small child a month, from one of my cousins who used your program, and we have loved it. We really love to see what books are coming down the way next, and some have been big hits with our Bub (enough so that I am sick of reading them!).

More importantly, I think of the moms and dads who may not be able to afford many books for their 0-5-year-old children who can find real help in the Imagination Library. It is well-proven that reading and literacy are such an important part of a child's development, so this could really change lives. That's amazing.

With all that being said, I do have one BIG hang up about the Imagination Library Program- every single book that the Bub has received, from the Little Engine that Could on, has been manufactured in China. Now, I don't have a problem with the country in general, but this outsourced manufacturing causes huge environmental, economical, and ethical problems that someday my plucky train-loving toddler (and all of the children who read your books) will someday inherit:

- The books are sometimes printed with sketchier materials (especially the plastic-coated cover), which will of course go directly into little one's mouths. These lower standards around chemicals and manufacturing have caused issues before, and I am certain we will be regretting allowing these standards again.

- So many books, on this epic scale, create a huge environmental cost just in shipping. These books are heavy, and they must use up tons of fossil fuels just getting to the United States, and it seems those resources would be better spent moving those books to communities all over the country.

- Worst of all, China has infamously bad work and labor standards, and since publishing has not been there all that long, the conditions and regulations of these places remain mostly uninspected and grossly under-policed. More than once, while reading this free book to my Bub, I have had to ask if someone else's baby, or someone else's mother, were abused in making the cute little book. It isn't worth it. No free book is worth someone else being abused.

On your website, you say that Imagination Library and its local partners provide 750,000 children books in the US, Canada, UK, and Australia (the majority still being in the US). It says there are 932,000 children registered! If Imagination Library switched even a third of your book choices over to something made on our continent, the benefits would be massive:

- Sending a strong message to publishers that it is still worthwhile to manufacture in the United States. Publishing is still pretty split between the two countries, but children's books have moved increasingly to China.

- Enabling jobs and livelihoods to the families that might use this program. What you do is so noble, and it's great to help families that need it, but you can also make a big difference by providing more incomes to the parents, not just books for the kids.

- Normalizing safer, more ethical standards. Teaching parents and children about the importance of thinking about where your stuff is made, because it matters.

- Conserving fossil fuels and energy by minimizing shipping distances.

Companies like to try to make their "Made in" almost invisible- they don't want us to notice. If we do notice, they want it to feel impossible to get more ethically made goods (like books) because then they don't seem as responsible ("To stay competitive..."), but some companies, especially smaller American publishing companies are pulling this off:

Workman Publishing, who produces Sandra Boyton Books, still produces books on the continent.

Random House still publishes most (not all) Dr. Seuss books in the United States.

Cricket Media, who make the Babybug magazine (my child loves nothing more than these magazines- check them out) are still published in Chicago. Check Scholastic too!

It's not hard to find lots of great options, but you do have to be intentional in looking for them.

I know you have a huge operation with so many moving parts, but I beg you to consider making this a real part of your book selection process. You can make a huge difference for these kids now and for their world later.

Thank you for everything this program does promoting literacy and access to everyone; you are making a world of difference with your fame and power, and I am genuinely in awe. , This is just one way you can be doing even more phenomenal good in the world. I have never had more faith that a company and organization can handle the task.

Sunshine Guerrilla

If you want to read more about the amazingness of the Imagination Library or to sign your little one (anyone 0-5) up, check here.

If you want to learn more about where your kids' books are published, be sure to check that page with all the fine print across from the title page. Companies do their best to tuck that information in with all that fine print, but it has to be there, so you can look around and find something published ethically OR consider finding it used at a consignment store or on Amazon. If you are really feeling committed, you can even send the publishers a quick note to let them know they didn't get your money and why. Things won't change unless we stand up as consumers. Remember, every dollar you spend is a vote for the world your child will inherit from you.

Picture Credit- Jenny Bickel Photography

Being prego is obviously exciting, but it also turns out to be a lot of research. It's kind of like trying to prepare for a vacation where you don't know where you are going. It's a shot in the dark, and you can ask around for clues, but you really don't know. When you register for a wedding, you have some vague idea of how to adult, but this is totally different. I know we had no idea what the hell we needed, and my mom showed up the week before the Bub came and filled in a bunch of blanks we hadn't thought of.

Because it's a shot in the dark, we made mistakes, and if I could do it all over again, I would have registered and shopped in such a different way. Learn from my mistakes! This is how I would do it now that I know better:

1. Play the Long Game

 When you are going through it the first time, it can be easy to focus on maybe the next month or so. I mean, we were basically in survival mode for a while. But they grow, and way faster than you are expecting. You can save some money and a whole lot of waste by looking a little further ahead. If you register for baby stuff, ONLY register for 6-9 or 9-12. People will buy you the smaller sizes without encouragement, but those sizes last such a short time (maybe only a month or two), then you look around and you don't have anything to put your baby in. It works this way for everything- the early months seem like you need a lot, but really they are happy with your boob and cuddles, so try to play a longer game.

I will try to point out stuff as we go through the Baby Registry, but off the top of my head, I do recommend registering for larger sizes, bigger bottles and sippy cups, and the larger car seat. That first birthday may seem a long way away right now, but what were you doing a year ago this week? Things move quickly!

And while we are at it, when your nunjas explode and you need a new bra, just buy nursing bras (my suggestion? Bella Materna. Steep but great). When buying maternity clothes, buttoned up chests are perfect. I was back in maternity clothes and expanded stuff for probably the first three months after the Bub was born (they call it the 4th trimester), so that maternity clothes you buy early on can have a lot of use later. Especially if you think ahead.

2.Consignment is your New Best Friend (and You Can Say So)

Before you have a baby, people will tell you they go through things fast, and you kind of get it, but nothing teaches the lesson like when they grow out of their size before you even use all of the super cute outfits you have. 0-3 for us was brutal, because he was out of it by two months. This super quick turnover means somebody spent a bunch of money on nothing.What a waste of money AND clothing! Our country makes tons of textile garbage; the average American throws away 65 pounds of clothing a year- new parents jack up this number. Not only can you save epic amounts of money by buying 80-90% consignment (we save at least half of our clothing budget), but you can minimize that huge pouring into landfills.

The biggest baby clothing companies- Carter's and Gerber- have very sketchy labor policies and environmental impact. And not a thread is stitched in the US. I know before I had the Bub, I poured over Carter's stuff at every store. I picked stuff I loved, and once he was here, I noticed everyone had the same outfits! Trust me, nothing you put your baby in will be cuter than your baby, so you don't have to be "on trend."

If you can buy essentially the same onesie in a kids consignment store for a third of the price, save one more onesie from being in a landfill, and give unethical companies 10 dollars less, it can only be a win. You are making the world a little better for your baby and save SO MUCH money that can go to their future. I only wish I had started sooner.

You shouldn't feel ashamed to let your family know that a great consignment sleeper makes a  completely awesome gift. One of our friends here just put on her invitation that they were trying to cut down their environmental impact, so please buy used clothes for the gift. Will someone roll their eyes? Yes, definitely. But people roll their eyes at me and this blog everyday, and alas, I carry on. This approach to baby clothes will make you more sane, and I promise you will find so much cute stuff.

3. Glass not Plastic- Wood not Plastic- Just Say NO to Plastic!

You will find bottles that claim to be BPA-free, but recent studies show that the BPA substitutes can be just as bad. Plastic is toxic and nasty, so you can do a lot for your child's health by avoiding it whenever possible. Plus, using plastic is just another way to add waste to the world your child will someday inherit from you. We love our Evenflo and Lifefactory glass bottles, and we can reuse them all for as many spawn as we have, then pass them on to someone else to use. No leeching. No contorting in the dishwasher. We even got the Lifefactory sippy lids and use them as sippy cups now.

In the same vein, don't register for toys that have lots of plastic attached- look for wooden teethers and toys instead, because everything will be going in that precious little nugget's mouth before you know it (just watch out for Melissa and Doug, they aren't any better than Fisher Price). They love chewing on everything. Because babies are sometimes assholes who flip your purse and try to eat your change (true story).  Minimize the potentially toxic chemicals by opting out of plastic whenever you can (and hide your pennies).

4. Wipe Warmers= Not Worth it

 You will get so much advice about things you "need" that you may never use (and might melt a piece of your furniture, not that I am bitter or anything). It can be tempting to follow every piece of advice, because you have no idea what the hell you are doing. But preparing for every possibility will leave you broke with a house full of junk you will never use. It's not worth it.

 It's not that you may not need those "needs," but babies, like all people, are greatly individual and variable. Each one comes with their own set of ticks and preferences, and you can wait to see who they are before trying to attend to needs that just don't exist. There will still be stores once your bub arrives, so if you aren't sure, just wait.

5. Neither are 14 Kinds of Swaddle Blankets

You need two kinds. Three if you have cold weather coming.

Muslin blankets for swaddling (Aden and Anais are all the rage, but they aren't ethical. Check this blog for your many options).
Fuzzy blankets if it is cold (I like Swaddle Designs blankets).
And the wonderful handmade blankets your family and friends will make you.

That's it. Don't get conned into the combo kits with swaddles in them. Those swaddle blankets are always crappy anyway. Just avoid sets.

6.There are Eco-friendly and American-made options for everything on your list

 I wish, more than anything, that I had realized how many options I had before I registered for baby. Now that I see him, I want to make the world a little bit better for him every day, and I think a lot of what we bought and registered for earlier on could have had much more positive impact. We got so many "Made in China" Fisher Price things that I see in our baby consignment shop all the time. We wasted so much money on clothes that we would never buy now. We shelled out for toys that he never cared about. We got strollers that were made in China when American-made options were out there.

The truth is, I just never thought about it. I never thought about being eco-friendly, and I just assumed every option was "Made in China." Sure, if I knew that I had a choice between Made in China or America, I would choose America, but I didn't even realize there was an option. Even eco-friendly lists mostly highlight the toxicity you don't want for your child (see- minimize plastic!), and it isn't clear what the most eco-friendly options would be for the world around them.

Options exist. They may not be easy to find, but that's why I am here.

There is always an option. I made the Baby Registry specifically so that these other, so much more eco-friendly, options are clearly available. You can cross check anything on your list with my Eco-Friendly and Made in America Baby Registry to have a registry you can really feel good about. Don't make my mistake!

How many opportunities do you have in life to make a bunch of purchase choices at once? That means you can put all those purchases (by you and your family) towards your baby's needs and your baby's world. These kinds of moments don't come by often. Caring is worth doing, making the switches does good, and you can do this.

7. Don't Be Scared

I am not going to say be confident, you're not an idiot, because most likely you are. Most likely we are too all over again. You are planning for a person you haven't met- there's no way to do that well. There's no reason to know these things, so be sure you have a small army of friends (or one really great one, Rochelle) who already knows what is good.

Ask lots of questions. Ask about wipe warmers. If you ask 3 people and they all say you definitely need something (like a crib or a carrier) you probably do. If there is debate, skip it. If you aren't sure whether you will be a baby wearer or stroller pusher, try to find a wrap used. You can always get something nicer once you know firsthand, but you know yourself and which advice might be worth following. Women chomp at the bit to share baby knowledge, so never be embarrassed to ask other new moms you trust.

Side note, the urge to share advice never goes away, but mommy brain smooths out edges. It's encouraging really that moms look back on things as easier than they were and are (I know it happens, because my toddler has helped block out some miserable infant months of sleep deprivation), but trust me, their kids were not perfect. Grain of salt it, because those memories are sea glass.

You will learn it all so soon. No need to overcompensate because you aren't sure yet. You got this.

8. Join a Buy Nothing Group. Don't Have one? Start one

Since joining Buy Nothing when The Bub was five or six months old, our family has probably saved at least 700 dollars we would have spent. We have received almost all of the Bub's toys, a playplace in the backyard (didn't end up working out, but still), a dining room table, swim diapers, and tons of clothes. I imagine we have saved much more than that. That's a plane ticket. We have also given away that much in stuff, which means our house is never quite as bogged down by baby stuff.

I can't tell parents enough- join your local Buy Nothing group.

Don't have one where you are? Check and see if there is a freecycle group or another option. But really, make the world (and your community) better by starting one. It's a pain upfront, but by the time baby is eating solids, you will have a huge resource at your fingertips.

Babies create a constant turnover in stuff, and joining a Buy Nothing means that you are connected to parents with slightly older and slightly younger children. It means someone has what you need or someone needs what you no longer want, and you can connect easily (and meet! So nice). Even when you don't have anything you need that day, it will make your life better. It's like having random acts of mommy kindness on your newsfeed everyday.

9. Play the Even Longer Game

 Planning on spawning more than once? Then you aren't registering for your baby, you are registering for your babies. Resist the urge to register for anything gender-specific (trust me, someone will get you a sexist, heteronormative, and lame onesie anyway) or made so cheaply it couldn't possibly make it through multiple spawn (looking at you, Gerber- every onesie we got has holes in it now).

This year we had our second bub, and we really didn't need that much. People keep saying it is because we had another boy spawn, but the real trick is to buy (and register for) as many versatile pieces as you can. We gave about half Bub One's clothes away when he grew out of them, and gender neutral pieces always made the A team that stayed. As we got better at it, the clothes also mostly avoid too specific gender connotations. Buy stuff that isn't junk (see also; made in America) and don't monogram it or something silly like that.

Other tips now that I am well into two babies? Containers like Bumbo seats and a walker are way more helpful the second time around, so they are worth keeping around. Babywearing is even more important. Some essential baby toys the first time never got a second look this time. Prepare to be surprised, but mostly prepare to be surprised that you are already totally prepared.

10. Trix are for Kids. Diaper Bags are for Grown Ups

Baby stuff is so cute. No debating it. And it can be tempting to opt for a diaper bag that looks as adorable as everything else on your list. Don't match the bag to the task, match the bag to your style. If you are cutesy and such, by all means get the bag with Winnie the Pooh or ducks on it. For the rest of us, register for something that looks like a bag you would carry everyday for the next two years of your life. Because that is what you are actually dealing with.

My favorite recommendation is a bag from Oliday, because I had one of their camera bags and it lasted so long. They are simple and neutral, but they also offer backpack options, which does make life way easier as the bub gets bigger.  Tom Bihn makes a well-loved and sportier option. Christy Studio has simple options too. There are so many out there, so be sure to get something you love.

 For goodness sake. there is no secret to a diaper bag, just get a backpack you really like that has pockets. Diaper bags are big with pockets- that is the only difference. So just get one that you like. Best case scenario, you only have to buy one.




Ah, life experience and wisdom. I wish I had more, but hopefully this is at least a little bit helpful for the expectant moms and dads out there. Do better than I did! And do it for that tiny person, because eventually you will be fond of them, and therefore won't want them to be the boneless garbage people in Wall-E. just surrounded in all of your garbage. Please, help me keep our world from being the world in Wall-E. Cute robots aren't worth it.

Interested in more Ethical, Green, and Made in America shopping? Check out my Giant List of Shopping Lists to find all kinds of cool shopping alternatives!

This week, I read a pretty funny letter from a lady named Hinda Mandell to herself. In it, she gives herself a damn rough time. What is her crime?

She asked for no gifts for her daughter's birthday, asking instead that everyone brings a dish,

Hinda says (to Hinda) that the invitation was annoying and that everyone knows (including her, in retrospect) that you have to bring a gift no matter what. Hinda tells Hinda to get over herself, to let go of the idea od this as a trend, and DEFINITELY to not take it a step further and ask for donations to a charity instead.

She ends with this-

"Remember. This is America. Any attempts to curtail consumerism are futile. Besides, that glow-in-the-dark unicorn pillow your sister-in-law gave your kid is really something."

Alright lady, I don't want to get in between this serious conversation between you and you, but I think you both have it all wrong. You are breaking my Enviromentalist Light heart. So I am going to write a letter too.

Dear Hinda (and Hinda),

Sorry your birthday party didn't work out the way you wanted it to- at least your one year old won't remember! But I don't want you to think "curtailing consumerism" is a futile effort. A gift-free party isn't impossible at all, you just need to jimmy your approach a bit.

I know it is a real thing- I have lived it! Most of my son's birthday parties are gift-free. Most of his little toddler friends' parties are gift-free. People mostly don't complain, and the kid has no idea it should be any different. If the real point is just to celebrate this tiny person, having the people they love there ready to have fun, eat cake, and give them attention is really all that is needed for a fun party.

You got stuck in a classic mom challenge- do what you feel is right for your kid vs. what everyone wants you to do. But let me validate you- setting the stage so your child receives fewer (not none, because let's not kid ourselves) gifts is a gift to her in itself. It helps her from building associations that mean all holidays mean gifts (because if you don't want a materialistic kid, it's never too early to start) AND it keeps that much more toy and clothes waste out of landfills. People feeling awkward at your party is a bummer, but their need to still bring a gift is neither your fault or your failure. Our culture is fueled by consumerism, and one marketing genius after another has left us in a situation where all occasions seem to require gifts. We are all supposed to want things and want them all the time. You are building opportunities for your kid to chart a less capitalism-driven path.

(And just because your mom can't help but give your bub something doesn't mean your idea is bad. Grandmas are allowed to do whatever they want. And give what they want. That includes giving gifts when you said no and giving you dirty looks when you aren't doing things the way they would. That is their right. Your right is to do what you think is best anyway)

You will still get gifts, because some people aren't comfortable stepping out of those norms or because they are just gifters, but less is a success! You can't control what people do, but you can communicate what you want (and have other fun things planned than the horrible everyone watch gifts being opened fiasco- seriously, can you imagine something more boring when they have no idea what is going on?), and if you cut down on gifts that's a success. So you succeeded, madame, pat yourself on the back again. Your baby is alive and had a perfectly acceptable celebration!

You learned a couple of things, and I bet if you tried it again next year, you could tweek it enough that before you know it, your friends are planning gift-free parties as well. Maybe your mom will even get on board (I'm kidding, she won't).

So, if you want to take this challenge on next year (and I think you should, because this letter was written in 2014, so by now you may already be trapped under the mountain of your kid's junk. This is all a safety issue, people), I do think I have spotted the mistake in your strategy. The whole thing fell apart when you asked your guests to bring food.

Bring food?

I get it. A one year old has about as much idea of what is going on at a birthday party as I know what is going on at a sports game (he threw the ball thing into a goal thing!).

One year old parties are always for the parents. Always. It is a damn victory lap punctuated by pictures.

As it should be. Parenting a baby is hard! You earned this. girl.

But I think your suggestion made it too obvious what this is really about.Your one year old is just graduating out of the mush stage, so we both know who benefits from guests bringing food. It also sends a mixed message- "don't bring anything, but bring me some food." "We don't want anything, but this would be nice."You are making your queen mama crown shine too brightly. The two requests don't match. They perceive gifts to be for the bub (hence, a bunch of plastic toys that make noise and haunt your dreams). They don't want to bring you a gift.

Also, people are more willing to spend their money than their time. Buying a gift takes a couple of minutes on Amazon. Bringing a dish requires some real work and time.

If you don't want people to bring anything, then don't ask for things. None. No donations to charity, no food, nothing physical. Once people get on board, you could try the charity idea, but I would save that battle for another day.


 Say you will have a place for everyone at the party to write the Bub a note or make a video, so they can add a picture or a funny story. It's all about how you frame it, and letting people know it is really ok to show up open-handed. Here is some phrasing I like-

"We'd love your well wishes
And congratulations too.
No gifts are necessary
We just want to see you!"

"No gifts please. Instead, we will have a birthday book for you to sign, put pictures in if you have one you love, or share a favorite memory."

"No gifts please. Instead, bring a list of a few favorite songs for a playlist for Hinda jr!"

"Hinda Jr. has everything she needs. No gifts please. We just want to spend time with you!"

Or the old faithful "Your presence is gift enough"

For our son's birthday, we said "Felix mostly likes playing with garbage. If you want to bring a gift, he would love something from your recycling bin!" People brought us their recycling, and he loved it. We only got all of it out of our house a year later.

 It doesn't have to be self-righteous or annoying. Just be honest, have a sense of humor about it (and the results), and people will either follow suit or they won't.

Some people will still bring gifts, because it is their love language, so it is important to make space for that. In the end, it is between them and your kid, and you don't want to get in the way of someone caring about your kid. You are right that we never get total control over these things, and honestly we shouldn't. But you can make it very clear not to do it out of obligation (or if they ask, that an afternoon spending time with your baby is a way better gift than anything they could wrap and bring). Even if your effort just cuts down on gifts, you have succeeded. Put the gifts in a space away from the party and just open later. so people who skipped the gift don't feel shamed.

So madame, when you reach the glorious 2 year milestone (oh they are so fun by 2), and you are prepping for another shindig, you may still feel like your bub has as much stuff as she will ever need (spoiler alert- the stuff problem only gets worse). I say dust off your shoulders and throw another "no-gift" birthday party.

Sincerely,

Barbara

PS-If you are going to a first birthday party and want to get a gift that is a little better for the environment, check out this list of ten perfect (and eco-friendly) options.

The "No Gift" birthday party is becoming more and more common, and for good reason. I love these parties. Our kids have ENOUGH toys (seriously, so. many. toys), so we are having all of our birthday parties (for the foreseeable future) be gift-free.

Why? So many reasons.

1. It's better for the planet. The most commonly given gifts are toys and those toys are most often plastic. That plastic is proving again and again to be terrible for our children's health, and since it doesn't decompose, they will have to deal with all that trash many birthdays from now.

2. I want to raise my kids a different way. I actually love gifts- it's my love language, but I am trying to not let it get out of control, because I don't want them to solely associate celebrating with receiving. I want them to focus on memories, experiences, and traditions. Gifts are fine, but I want to start them off in life not associating love with stuff, fun with stuff, or holidays with stuff.

3. The Gift-Opening at parties is high pressure and boring. I hate that part of parties. Yes, every so often you get a great reaction, but then there is the rest of the time. I would rather have a party that is actually fun! And as a guest, it is so nice to make a card and just go without the last minute run to Target.

4. Less cleaning for me. Yeah, I said it. I spend everyday cleaning up after two tiny people. More stuff is more to figure out how to store and clean, and they just don't need it.

5. They don't care. When we have little kids, it can (sometimes) be hard to differentiate what they want and what we want for them. But a 1 or 2 year old doesn't  really understand the concept of gifts. They don't miss them and they don't see anything different going on. In preparation for his brother's birthday, our son asked what gift we would get him. Gift, singular. He thinks that is normal.


Now, before you clutch your pearls, I can clarify a few things.

Yes, my kids still get some gifts. We get them 1 physical gift and 1 experience gift. Their grandparents still buy them gifts. These are not deprived children, but we don't associate the party with wider friends and family with presents.

No, I am not sure we can do it forever. My elementary school, it may be a different story, but at least these first 4 years, I know we can pull it off.

But Yes, it can be done and, for us, it has been worth doing. If you are trying to raise your kid to be a minimalist, an environmental steward, or just someone who doesn't clutter up your living room, a great first step is cutting off the connection between celebrating and getting a bunch of stuff. Have confidence, parental unit! Celebrating and making memories really is enough.




Even if you are psyched about the idea of a party with no gifts, it can be hard to bring the subject up with your guests without sounding ungrateful. In some areas, the "no gift party" isn't too far out of the ordinary. In others, it will blow people's minds.

So how do you tell guests not to bring gifts? 

First, keep it casual, fun, and non-preachy. You don't have to give a manifesto. I find people feel most comfortable if I am a little bit silly about it.

Here are a few sweet and easy options: 

"Buster has everything he needs. Please no gifts, we just want to celebrate with you!"

"Your presence is present enough. Buster will be so happy to celebrate with you!"

"Buster has more stuff than anyone ever needs. If you would like to give us all a present, please consider taking something out of our house!"

For our son's first birthday, we tried to put a fun spin on it: 

"Buster really only wants to play with the garbage, so bring a box from your recycling for the perfect gift!"

"Please do not come bearing gifts!"

You can also offer another idea (just be careful to make it about your kid):

"Buster is currently obsessed with giraffes and has everything he needs. If you would like to get him a gift, consider donating to the World Wildlife Fund!"

"Instead of a gift, please bring a letter for Buster to open when he turns 16! We will collect them all in a book for him" (I read about this idea here, and it is awesome)

"Please bring a picture (a photograph, a drawing, whatever you would like!) for Buster instead of a gift to add to his special birthday book!"

Or, just come out and say it:

"No gifts, please."

"No gifts, please please please"

Yay! You did it! First steps completed! 

A Few Tips to Make Your Kid's "No Gift" Party a Success

1. You let go of the idea that this will universally work. You are giving people permission to not bring a gift, but somebody still will.

Maybe because it's their love language. Maybe because they just can't get comfortable with the idea. But their relationship with your kid is independent of you, and you honestly only get so much control. Let it go, friend. It's still a success if you cut down.

2. Don't make a big deal of the gifts that Buster receives. If it is from someone likely to stick around to the end (like Grandma), open gifts when the party thins out. If not, take a video or picture of your kiddo opening to add to the thank you card or message.

3. Don't do the goodie bag. Want your guests to buck consumerist norms? Then you have to do it too! I work at a place that hosts birthday parties- I have seen tons of them. Kids do not care about the fiddly junk in goodie bags. If they do care, they will soon forget. If you want to send something home, try making a craft or having an extra treat for that purpose! Fun games or activities make a fun party. Goodie bags? Not so much.

4. If someone asks or presses, push the experience gift. People will ask when they RSVP, you can just keep sweetly saying no. A promise for a trip to the zoo or a membership to the aquarium or piano lessons might be the perfect gift for someone who just can't miss the opportunity to gift. Plus it may give you a break! If they want your suggestions of what your kiddo needs, the answer can always be "more time with you"- who can fight with that?

5. Start now. If you have a baby or toddler, instituting this tradition is SO EASY. They don't come into it with expectations, and they are plenty psyched to eat treats and play with friends. Our son straight up rejected all of his second birthday gifts because he was still focused on the one we gave him (yes, we only give one gift- with one party and one big surprise. That's our winning formula).

Older kids can require more delicate discussions and expectation-shifting, but honestly, with tiny ones this is a no-brainer.

6. Have a fun party! Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best. If you lose the present-opening portion of the party, you can fill that space with more games. Or you can just let them play. It doesn't have to be complicated, just be ready to have fun yourself. They will remember the fun they had way longer than the gifts they get (how many birthday gifts can you name from when you were little?). Focus on whatever will make the day fun for your little one, and everything else will seem natural.



Have you ever thrown a "No Gifts" party? How did you pitch it to your guests in the invitation? Have you been invited to one? Did you bring a gift? Why or why not?

Alright, it is that "Back to School Shopping" time of year again, and honestly, I remember loving it as a kid. When else could I get my Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper with awesome Lisa Frank folders, none of which would get much use during the year (organization has never been my game). I also loved the new outfits and getting dressed up for the first day  of school- I mean, come on! Who can step to that freshness!? It's a sunflower hat and a jumpsuit for goodness sake!

On the other hand, businesses like to create a panic that your students NEEDS about 100 things. Of course you need 75 glue sticks- you don't want to raise the pariah with only 74! These stores and schools push these epic lists, but what do your kids actually need?

My Dad wrote a blog over at Curmudgecation  from the teacher's perspective about what exactly needs bought for Back to School- his bottom line? Chill. You don't need as much as you think, and good communication with the teacher might surprise you about what can be helpful to send with your student to school. If you really want to help them out, a box of tissues (which you can get recycled!) might be a lot more help than buying yet another single glue stick to dry out by the end of the year.

So, I feel for all the youths getting ready to shop for all the new possibilities and wonderfulness of a school year. It's exciting and fun and that lunchbox has the Paw Patrol on it for goodness sakes!

I also feel for parents- how do you tackle this time of year without spending a bunch of cash on stuff they won't use and can't be recycled? What's more important- making your kid happy now or making their future healthy? So hard to find that balance. Still, there are some good options out there, so you can put money into things that use less energy, can be recycled, and create less waste.

Think of this list less as a prescriptive "YOU MUST HAVE" and more as a "If you want this, look here at a more Earth-friendly version!" The very first step in greening your household and shopping is to reject acquiring things you don't want or need (no matter how many lists tell you it's necessary- if you find your student does need it, you can always buy it then!).

The trick to making sure your bubs have what they need while minimizing your environmental impact (and their buy in to hyper-consumerism) takes three steps:

Three Steps to an Earth-Friendly Schoolyear

1. Shop what you already have- Do this first so you can cross things off your list. Yes, it's time to tackle your giant collection of pens and pencils and see what still works. You may have more than you think (and retire all the ones that are just done). Same for notebooks- if only the first few pages are full, you can probably reuse it! Think about getting fun stickers or decorations to make them feel fresh.

Also, shop so that next year you can do this more. Buy a backpack to last you through elementary school, not just the next 9 months. Shop with a long view wherever you can, and every year the "need to buy" list can get a little shorter.

2. Get Things Used- Children's clothes are hard to get Made in the US and environmentally friendly. Companies don't want to splurge on ethical labor for kids clothes, because parents generally know better than to shell much out for things that may not make it all that long.

 If your kids are still little, kids consignment stores may still carry clothes in their sizes. Goodwill also has a huge collection of clothes. Buy Nothing circulates kids clothes daily. Thred Up has a great selection and their stuff is generally in good shape. You can probably still go big on some new stuff, but lessen the blow by trying to fill out their wardrobe with used clothes (and while you're at it, donate what your bub has grown out of- someone else can use that!).  Bigger Goodwills may have craft supplies, notebooks, shoes, or even backpacks your kids will love.

 I feel like when we were kids, stigma surrounded doing this, but really, we all wore hand me downs. Our parents were wrong about this. So much of what your kid needs already exists in the world in good condition. Buying new is frankly wasteful (and it wastes your money too).

We as a generation of parents can do things differently to show our children the true value of things and to make a better world for them to inherit from us.

3. Buy Things that are Recycled, Recyclable, or Made in the US- You can find a lot of these in local shops (just check the labels!) or make a big Amazon purchase (I only use Amazon to show the product I am talking about- shop where you want to!). It limits your choices, but maybe not as much as you think, and teaching our kids to consider how what they have was made will help them be critical thinkers in the future! I started a list, but I am sure there is more, so let me know what I am forgetting!

paper goods

Decomposition books from Amazon

Notebooks

Our Pick-  Decomposition Books are absolutely genius (100% post-consumer paper, soy ink, even eco-friendly manufacturing in the US!), and they come in so many cool and fun designs that they should be a blast to choose with your student, no matter their age. Kittens in Space really speaks to my Lisa Frank heart, and it looks like you can color it in! 9 bucks is a little steep for a notebook, but it isn't ridiculous, and the price varies dependent on the design. Good job Michael Rogers.

 Other Options- New Leaf makes a basic composition book out of 95% post-consumer waste that is cheaper, though it is made in Taiwan.

TOPS Second Nature notebooks are also around 4 dollars- they are made in the US, but have a lower percentage (only 40%) of post-consumer recycled content.

 Mead even makes a recycled paper notebook now (this is the dream- all mainstream companies see the value in taking care of the Earth instead of taking advantage of it). Nothing too spectacular, but they were my favorite books growing up, and these are about 7 dollars a piece.

Onyx and Blue makes a notebook of bamboo paper, which stands as another option if you are looking for an all sustainable option.

Northbooks makes small Moleskine-style notebooks in the US with recycled covers (you can find other alternatives here, but Moleskine is crappy).

Binder Paper

 If you would rather go loose leaf (a good argument for that is you can always take the paper out at the end of the year and hopefully cut down on the binders you have to buy), and it can be better for high schoolers, especially in math classes. There are plenty of options for you too!

Our Pick- Ecology also has a 100/ 40% recycled loose leaf paper set.

Other Options- Ampad and Pacon

Aurora from Amazon

Binders

Our Pick- Look used! They are in tons of secondhand stores and someone in your Buy Nothing Group has one to unload. If you have to get one new, think recycled paper, NEVER plastic. The best option for this is Terracycle's chipboard binders- even the metal rings are recycled!

Other Options- Another favorite are from Aurora- 100% recycled with 70% post-consumer waste content. I think they look cute, and I really like the fabric binding (way to avoid that plastic). Guided Products are recycled chipboard and made in the US too.  Wilson Jones has an awesome set of binders that are made of recycled cardboard and plastic.

Post-its from Amazon

Post-it Notes

One of those things we all have at home (check with your buy nothing group if someone has some to give), but now they have ones made of recycled paper and plant adhesive, so we can all have too many of these from now on (there are multi-colored pads too, for the younger post-it noters). Never buy virgin paper post its again.

Paper folders

Our Pick- Things are getting better and better on this front, so many better picks than last year! Again, used is always best, and steer away from anything plastic. These Oxford Earthwise folders are 100% post-consumer recycled materials. They are apparently not the stiffest, so it depends on your purpose, but I think these would work for kids.

Other Options- Jam Paper has recycled kraft folders. Smead's effort is underwhelming, but not nothing.

from minnebites

Pencil Case

 I don't think anyone really uses these, but maybe I am wrong! If you or a young person you love prove me wrong, check out Etsy's selection "Pencil Case" with the United States filter pulled up 13000 options, so you can certainly find something American-made and awesome.

Planners

 I love a planner. Love it. As an adult, I still relish the new one coming in the mail every August. I am not an organized person, but I like feeling like my time is somewhat managed and that my goals for the day are clearly set out. I don't understand how people live without them! Because planners make life more wonderful, lots of people make wonderful planners. Here are a few:

At a Glance on Amazon

At A Glance- YES!!! Isn't it awesome when you can get something almost anywhere AND have it be made in America? The At a Glance company even has an eco-friendly option that I love (why they don't JUST do it this way is beyond me). They have 100% post-consumer paper, 50% post-consumer covers, and 90% post-consumer wire. If you see these in stores, please send me a picture so I can be psyched.

Belle Rousseur- They are a planner-making staple on Etsy (over a thousand reviews!) and their planners are comparable to anything you would get anywhere else. They are also consistently very pretty. I like this rainbow leaf one.

Favorite Story- My favorite find from this year. A recycled kraft cover and a lot of style. I would absolutely get this. Perfect for a stylish middle or high schooler?

House of Doolittle Planners- They make planners in lots of bright colors, weekly and monthly, out of 100% recycled materials, soy ink, and made in the USA. That beats any I bought at Staples when I was in high school, and these might even be cheaper. If you aren't sure how much your student will use their planner, start here!

Gallery Leather- I get a planner every year, and this is the one I got this year. Smart and well-organized (that's important). I do find the leather cover and sepia maps inside pretty funny, since most of my plans in the coming year will be poop and puke-related.

Green Chair Press- Another cool source of planners, including this pencil-covered one. I love the designs and they have a pretty wide selection.

Nude and Loitering Tees- They make upcycled planners. They have one of Ron Swanson. My brain just exploded with happiness. Treat Yo Self.

SHP Planners- More pretty feminine options. You can also pick which month to start on, so no waste months.

Ruskerville sells a planner for the Hogwarts-headed mini-wizard in your midst. I love this idea, and they have all sorts of goods for geeky type A's at this store.

Printer Paper

Another one of those ones I wonder why I ever printed things on non-recycled paper. Here's the list (2 cents unnecessary)- Printworks (Made in the US, Food containers, 100%),  Aspen (100% post-consumer), Staples Recycled (100% post-consumer), and Hammermill Great White Recycled (100% Post-consumer paper).

other class supplies

Calculator

 Someone will have to tell me if you can get graphing calculators made of recycled materials, but if you are looking for a simple option, this Sharp one is a good one.This Onyx and Green one is made of bamboo, is solar powered, and has recycled packaging.

Crazy Crayons from Amazon

Crayons

 Crayolas don't use any recycled material as far as I can see, but their crayons (not everything) are still made in the US, so they beat all other mainstream brands. If you want some recycled crayons, try Crazy Crayons. Etsy has so many amazingly fun options for crayons reusing those crayon nubbins- transformers, legos, and hearts, among many others. do a search if you want something fun.

Dry-Erase Markers

Our Pick- Pilot Be Green's V Board line has dry erase markers made of 90% recycled materials AND they are refillable, so they are the big winner.

Other Options- Expo makes all of their markers in the US, so that is a pretty awesome mainstream choice.

Erasers

Our Pick- Westcott makes a fun tie-dye set out of 80% post-consumer waste.

Other Options- Onyx and Green and Made by Humans

Zebra Eco from Amazon

Highlighters

Check with neighbors and friends- who doesn't have a bunch of highlighters they don't use? Zebra has a set of double-ended highlighters (I love that trick) made of 74% post-consumer material.Office Depot and Skilcraft have recycled lines as well.

Maps

 This map of the US from House of Doolittle is printed with Soy Ink on recycled paper. I am not sure if you need this, but it was on one of those lists.

Markers

Our Pick- Crayola is awesomely USA-made, and this set of markers is also made with recycled plastic! Plus, you can clean them off the walls easily, so making the world a happier place as well. You can read about their Colorcycle program here. Crayola manufactures their crayons and watercolors in the US as well, though none of the materials are recycled.

Bottle 2 Pen from Amazon

Pens
Plenty of choices here! If you have to buy more pens (but really, do you?), there must be a good recycled option for you. Never buy brand new plastic pens again.

My Pick (x 1000)- Pilot's Plastic Bottle Pens- I am obsessed with this Bottle to Pens idea. Even as a bougie pseudo environmentalist, I can see plastic water bottles are the absolute worst: they create more waste to sell you something you can get for free (not to mention gross companies like Nestle taking so much water from the suffering California reservoirs). If we all made this switch, maybe companies could get the hint, and recycled plastic could become a regular part of products like these.

Other Options- Pen Company of America makes their pens, you guessed it, in America. They also say the tubes are reusable, so I am wondering if you can switch out the ink when it runs out. I will let you know when they write me back. If you are a gel pen kind of person (or the parent of one), try these Onyx and Green gel pens.

Tree Smart from Amazon

Pencils

Our Pick- I did not know about these until I started researching this list, but recycled newspaper pencils are a thing and they are all kinds of awesome. Tree Smart sells a set of 24, where no trees were harmed in its making (all out of "yesterday's news)- they have a set of 12 also, and I think both are Made in the US. Fox and Wit on Etsy has pretty color-dipped options.

Other Options- You can also find tons of tree free options in colored pencils (even more than last year, if you want to feel good about the direction of the universe). Ashleigh Nicole Arts sell my favorites, and I think the containers might be very elementary-school friendly. Tombow doesn't make their stuff in the US, but they make beautiful pencils out of recycled materials, so might be worth checking out. Farber Castell has an option for colored pencils, but honestly, it's pretty lame in comparison to these newspaper material pencils.

I hate mechanical pencils, but someone must love pointless plastic  . If so, these Zebra pencils seem great. But seriously, why does anyone like mechanical pencils?

Pencil Sharpener- Simple, but it gets the job done, and is made out of mostly recycled plastic. Good for pencils and crayons.

Rulers
If you can get a wood version, this Woodrow one, 100% made in America, I would lean that way. But look for these used! I think they make their way to secondhand stores pretty often,

Westcott from Amazon

Scissors

Our Pick- Are you really out or are they hiding somewhere? I know in my Dad's house, they just loved to live in my room.  Westcott's Kleen Earth Line has a set made out of mostly recycled plastic.They also have 8 inch ones for kids.

Other Options- Fiskars has a (super high-rated) pair with 100% post-consumer handles.

Tape

Our Pick- If you only need a little try paper tape or washi tape instead of scotch tape. Even if you use it half the time, that is half the plastic!

Other Options- Scotch is making efforts to make "Greener" tape with a 100% recycled core, recycled packaging, and plant-based tape. The larger packs could be awesome around Christmastime as well, and it again raises the question why anyone would use regular non-recycled tape.

White Out- They even have white out with recycled packaging now. I feel like this is a thing you are supposed to buy, but never use, but if that doesn't apply to you, you have a better choice now!

packing lunch

This may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of greening your school shopping, but changing your approach can make a big difference! You can see more about this here.

Food Containers

Wean Green on Amazon

Our Pick- Replay makes Snack Stacks out of recycled milk jugs in the US. I love the bright colors and that they are light and recycled. Not going to break the bank either, so you can live with a little less of the fear they get lost.

Other Options- Wean Green makes all sorts of glass Bento Boxes for lunches out of glass with great lids in bright fun colors. Even if one gets lost now and then, it will be better long term environmentally to do these over anything else. Kids Konserve also makes steel storage containers.

Lunch Sacks

I wrote a whole separate blog about amazing Etsy lunch sacks aimed primarily at adults, but the simple lunch sacks on there could last a kid their whole school career.

from A Little Lark

Our Pick- WAAMIndustries make really chic and simple lunch sacks out of waxed canvas, so they are sturdy and durable without being too intense. Very simple, but you can dress up the contents or even add a fun patch or two every year! They also have snack bags that are pretty cute.

Other Options- Not only do they make nice storage containers for lunches, Kids Konserve also has an amazing "waste-free" lunch pack for kids with everything you need to cut the trash out of your kids lunch.


A Little Lark sells simple cotton bags with all sorts of hilarious and/or adorable designs silkscreened onto them- check out the horses if you are the mom of that girl. Cool and different, but also really affordable.

Aah Haa Simple Bag. 100% Post-consumer content Plastic bottles. Perfect, but listed as currently unavailable, so I hope they are holding up.

Apple Park from Amazon

These Apple Park lunch boxes are pretty much the cutest lunch boxes ever, and they are made of recycled plastic bottles. Perfect for an elementary aged student and their lunches!

Reusable Sandwich Bags

You may not have ever thought about this before, but if you pack lunches with reusable containers and bags for 180 days, that's 180 ziploc bags saved from the landfill. Pretty powerful change and you can find tons of fun prints by just searching Etsy!

from Bag it Conscious

Our Pick- Bagitconscious makes all sorts of reusable sacks for lunch bags and sandwich bags-I love the bright colors and variety so you can find what works for you!

Other Options- If you are looking for something that looks conventional but is infinitely reusable, check out Blue Avocado. Chico Bag is made out of recycled water bottles. UKonserve makes food cozies. But I think the real gems are on Etsy- check out GreenCityLiving, GrowingGreenMinds, North Forty Textiles, and EcoHipCustomDesigns.

backpacks

getting snazzy for the first day