Mother's Day is sneaking up soon. It always kind of catches us by surprise, and it can be easy to get caught up in a rush to buy something. But if you want to gift your mother (or the mother of your kiddos) a gift that is special and shows just how much you appreciate that person, you want to give yourself a little time. So let's get to it!

 I asked moms on Facebook what gifts they had loved most, and many talked about the thoughtfulness of their partner's or children's presents. It's clear that they appreciate the time and love put into the gifts far more than money. This sounds like saccharine nonsense, but it is the truth, and it should motivate us to think about gifting differently.

When you look up Mother's Day gifts, a few things pop up over and over again:

I notice after doing this research that there are a lot of mugs and coffee cups out there. Ok, I get it. Moms are tired. Does anyone actually need more mugs? Does the world? There are already so many in secondhand stores waiting for homes.  When can we call it good on mugs? If you really think your mother has a thirst problem, get a cool reusable travel mug instead of yet another well-meaning but irrelevant mug.

Congrats Prego, you feel fat! This phase can be a challenge, because you may still be keeping the pregnancy a secret, and at the very least, you mostly won't look pregnant enough to flaunt it (yet). So, you are right, you are thicker! These are my best tips for surviving the first trimester.

In my first pregnancy's first trimester, I barely wore any maternity clothes, but some of the things I bought while I felt thick through the middle ended up getting tons of use. so they can be good investments! So here are a few things I think work especially well early on, when you may not need actually maternity clothes yet.



1. Use What You Already Have- Not everything will work, but lots of it will. Go for those higher-waisted dresses and stretchy jeans (the time of jeggings is not bad for being pregnant). Both pregnancies, I have stayed in regular jeans until halfway (and longer with the help of a belly band). It's so exciting, it makes sense that you want to be prepared, but hold on to your regular clothes as long as you can, because you have three seasons of pregnancy. It lasts longer than it seems in some ways.

Side note- Do NOT waste money on pants extenders. A hairband will do the same job for no money.

2. Start Getting Maternity Clothes Used- These pieces are worn for such a short time that you can find things in great condition- you can check children's consignment stores, your Buy Nothing Group, or even online consignment like Thred Up. You can save a couple hundred dollars in the course of a pregnancy, and you can get really nice stuff. Fit is trickier with prego clothes, because your body is a moving target, so it actually feels a little less risky. This time, I have done almost all of my shopping secondhand.

3. Buttons up the Front- If you are planning on breastfeeding, consider buying a few loosey goosey tops with buttons, because it can get a second use later as a nursing top. This didn't even occur to me the first time around, but you can prepare for the "fourth trimester" in the first half of your pregnancy. This time, I bought this shirt from Modcloth, and I think it will be so helpful later.



4.  Long and Loose Shirts- Loose and long are good investments if you want to look flowy, and your boobs don't explode. Tunics like this one from Popana and long tanks like the beloved ones from M Rena can give you a little bit of comfy space once you feel thicker through the middle. This phase sucks, because you don't look super pregnant, you just look chunky. At least with some skinny pants, a loose top can make you look flowy instead of bloated.

We know a thing or two about flying with our baby. From 12 to 18 months, we flew on 6 trips, so a little under 20 flights if I count. A lot of trips. Most of the advice out there for flying with a baby is all about the newborns or at least under one crowd. As long as their ears hold out, they can be so much easier! If you are breastfeeding, you are carrying their food, and they are perfectly happy to hang out on a lap for hours and hours.

Not so for toddlers. Even less so for very young toddlers, who don't really know what is going on and why they can't walk around on the plane. It can make for some very long days! We have learned some tricks for making the whole thing easier, so I thought I would share what we know now.

How to Buy Tickets

We are big on sitting by the aisle, because you need to be able to get out for diaper disasters. We have received the advice to buy tickets on the window and aisle to discourage someone from sitting in the middle seat. Not a bad idea, but flights are always full now, so that opportunity never much happens.

I would say Alaska and Southwest are the nicest to fly with if you have a baby in tow. Alaska is just awesome all around, and we actually watched an amazing flight attendant make sure that families could sit together. Southwest's seating system has a break for families between A and B, and if the flight isn't full, you can count on people to not want to sit with you (on the other hand, on our most recent flight, the flight attendants were not very kind).

Never, ever fly with Frontier. Yes, it is cheap, but it is not worth it. Also, your days of red eyes are over. It will be so brutal, so just let it go.

What to Bring

Diapers
Baby Bottles
Water Bottles
2 Pairs of Jammies
Books
Snacks
A FEW Toys
A Screen
Bags for diaper explosions
Treats for Parents
Purell
Carrier/Stroller

Diapers- I don't need to tell you this. If your trip is under one day, just pack as many diapers as your baby goes through in a day. We have tried using nighttime diapers and sized up diapers. Both worked pretty well, so that might be worth trying. Wipes and whatever else you need.

Bottles- We bring 3 or 4 Evenflo glass bottles with us. We don't use many plastic bottles (they aren't good news- BPA replacements are sometimes just as bad as BPA), and we don't have to worry about these bottles in transit. We bring all the same size with the same lids, so there is no additional nonsense when a lid goes missing/ that kind of thing.

Back in the formula days, we would put the same amount of formula (4 scoops, no water) in each one. We also brought one adult-sized refillable water bottle which we could fill in the airports. If the water ran out, we can ask for more from flight attendants as well. 4 bottles got us across the country, but if you are worried you need more, bring more servings with you (maybe in biobags?). You fill the bottles as you need them, and you don't fret about it all day.

Now for milk, we start the day with two filled bottles. When we need more milk, we buy whole milk from coffee places (they always have it) and refill the bottles. Way simpler than trying to cart around a cooler and you do it before you get on a plane and on layovers. Sippy cups with milk would work about the same I think, as we are now solidly moving in that direction.

Jammies- The Bub stays in jammies all day long when we fly, because it seems like a good day to just be comfy. We don't mess around with anything with snaps- we mostly use Leveret pajamas, which my Mom bought for him. Yay for zippers and breathable fabric (boo they are made in China, so if you can scoop them up used, do that). Back up jammies are a must, because inevitably something is getting peed on.

Books- The best advice I can give is to subscribe to Baby Bug. The Bub receives these once a month as a gift from my Aunt, and honestly, he goes crazy for them. They are so stupid, and he just loves them. They have short sweet stories and poems that lend themselves to singing, and they have Kim and Carrots, who are just the craziest (I kid, they are not). Even better? They are magazine thickness and heaviness, not board book, so you can bring 4 or 5 of them (we sometimes save one for long flights) and they won't take up much room or weigh you down.

Want a second option? Something new or something they keep asking for again and again. Don't bother with ones you already have memorized; you can recite that and keep their interest.

Snacks- We usually pack two little snack bins ( we have these from Kids Konserve, and I also love these from Re-Play) for The Bub. One has berries and tomatoes (just out of the fridge that morning) and the other has bran flakes and raisins. These are the winners in our house, but you know your baby- do what will work! Those are just for on the plane- in airports, we just order a little extra and share all our food with him.

Green Toys from Amazon

Toys- You know your kid. What toys suck them in so they stay still longer? I have read one toy for every 15 minutes on the plane. I think that is crazypants; that is so much stuff! For a 12 month old, a set of keys or an empty bottle with a lid can make just as good of a toy- they just want to explore, so whatever they don't usually touch can be better than a toy. The toys you bring should be small and not have tons of pieces:

- We brought cars like these for him to play with, and we tried string to it, so when he dropped them on the floor, we could just yank them back up.

- We have this lacing toy from Holgate that can keep his attention for a long time.

A Screen- Yes, yes, no screen time until 2. We try to stick to that rule in our normal life, but a toddler on a plane is not normal life. Winnie the Pooh or older Sesame Streets have helped us buy an hour of calm (we pick things that are older- the editing is much slower and the sound dynamics are usually less dramatic, so it feels a lot less demanding of them). Our plan is to watch Christmas movies on the way home for Christmas. My mom also has a very slow game on her phone where The Bub pops bubbles. Nothing fast, but something to help when things get rough.

Bags for Diaper Explosions- In an emergency situation, I bought a small box of plastic bags to hold diaper disasters in- we are still using them at least a year later, because they are only necessary for emergencies. Still, sometimes they just are necessary. That's what it is.

Treats for Parents- Overall, the Bub will have a swell day, but it can be rough/suspenseful/stressful for the parents, so do like Tom and Donna and Treat yo Self. I am slowly trying all the local airport chocolate in the United States, and I usually buy a Seattle Chocolates bar before we leave. Do what makes you happy, you brilliant survivor you.

Purell- We try to push for cleanliness, but kids this age are all over everything, and the Bub has been getting sick too often after we fly. Do better than we do and just keep Purelling those hands!

Carrier/Stroller- As long as it doesn't hurt your back to carry your bub in an Ergo, I highly recommend it. It is so much simpler in security, and I personally hate having to gate check the stroller. It stresses me out to have to collapse it right at the bottom of the jetway. On the other hand, our Bub is now WAY TOO HEAVY for someone to carry him all day, so we bring the light umbrella stroller, and it still works just fine.

Our Basic Flight Survival Strategy

Do Your Prep- Some airlines (mostly Southwest) want to see a baby's birth certificate to put them on the ticket. Look it up before you go, so you know you have what you need.

More Stuff is More Work- Just like in regular life, your not really "prepared" you are just weighed down. Resist the urge to overpack for the trip. Stuff is heavy, and you already have to keep a person contained. I think this is the most common mistake I see. You don't need blankets. Or a big honking stroller. Check the carseat. We have it wittled down to one diaper bag, one backpack, and one stroller. That's it. Everything else gets checked.

Give Yourself Time and Ask for Help- I think security is pretty easy; you go through the metal detector and they do the hand check. The hardest part is now they will check the bottles and sometimes the wipes because of the moisture. Be sure to have them out if you can. If you are on your own, just ask around for help. The TSA agents or your neighbors in line will totally pick up your stroller or pull out your laptop, because people are generally kinder than we give them credit for (plus they want to keep the line moving).

Before we get on the Flight- Same things every time. We get food/ snacks if we still need them, we all take a stop at a bathroom and change the baby (the fewer diaper changes on the plane are better), we stop and get whole milk at a coffee place so the baby bottles are full, and we fill our water bottle at a water fountain. After that, we try to either find a kids area or go to our gate so he can run some energy off.

Time the sleep! We try to keep the Bub active and moving right up until we get on the plane, no matter what time the flight takes off. Since he is walking now, one of us will hold his hand and let him explore while the other sits with the stuff (when it was just me, we did this less, but I did find play areas in the airports to use when I could). Sitting down can be the hardest part, he is often worn out, fussy, and ready for a bubba.

We give him a bottle as the plane takes off and pat him to sleep. Sometimes, this goes easily, but not always. He sleeps a good percentage of every flight- usually 2 to 3 hours. After he wakes up, we play and read with him. If things get dire, Winnie the Pooh comes out.

Once we reach the next airport the whole thing starts over again. Of all the flights he has been on, he didn't sleep on one or two. That's it. The more he can rest on the plane, the more painless the trip is for everyone, because parents get a break, he doesn't have time to feel stuck, and its a much shorter window we have to fill of stillness.

What Goes Where- We actually put the diaper bag up in the overhead; the bottles and snacks come out and go into the back of the seat, but the diapers and changes of clothes stay up in the diaper bag. You can only change a diaper when it is also safe to open the overhead, so no need to cramp the space with more stuff. The backpack with books, games, and stuff for us goes down by our feet.

Be Friendly to your Neighbors- You don't owe them candy or anything like that, but a sweet hello and introduction can earn you a lot of goodwill or at least let you know who you are dealing with.

How to Survive Diaper Changes

In the Airport- Family bathrooms! Any time you can team effort a diaper change, do it. Also, in some airports (looking at you, O'Hare) the diaper changing area is too close to a sink or other distracting toys. Teams efforts are just happier, and even if you are on your own, you don't have to feel like a room of eyes are on you.

On the Airplane- Once we decide it has to happen (sad moment every time, one person take the Bub to get in line and the other person gets the diaper (and often a change of clothes- damn you illuminated seatbelt sign!).

The Boy lays him down on the "changing table" but he is often terrified, so I hate that. I will let him stand and rest his arms on my shoulders. Everyone seems much more sturdy, though it can be a little tougher. As soon as the diaper is changed, we go back to our seat with a half-naked baby, and we dress him back in our seat. We try to minimize the time spent in those bathrooms.

Other Tips

-Time changes get hard for the baby at this point. You just have to plan that any major change in schedule to take multiple days to adjust to.

- DO NOT WORRY if your baby cries. Basically everything you do on these days is for the comfort of other people- either your baby or the people around you. Sometimes, it won't work out, but your neighbors can stand a

- You can do this! Be prepared and try to think about it as a fun adventure for your baby, instead of a miserable day for you. Attitude makes a big difference, and they do pick up on it. I feel like we are always less positive and enthusiastic on trips back to Seattle (usually because we just flew days before), and you can see the difference. Adjust your own attitude and avoid panicking, and it will all be fine!

Want more advice about kids and toys? I have tons of it. Check out my Ethical, Eco-friendly, and Made in America shopping lists!

from http://buynothingproject.org/

Last month, I joined a Buy Nothing group for our neighborhood, and I seriously love it so much. In case, like me, you don't know about it- The Buy Nothing Project is a large network of facebook groups where neighbors can either post things they have they no longer need or request things they need but don't have. You can't sell things, advertise things, or point people to other groups; the point is just hand to hand exchange of stuff (no money!). I feel like this project is life-changing, and here's why:

1. It Sets You Up to be Kind Everyday- Last week, a woman who is running away from an abusive husband came up to Seattle with her child and a backpack. Someone recommended the group to her, and I was so moved to watch our neighborhood outfit her with furniture, clothes for her kid, food to start, basically everything she needed. It was really moving to see how quickly people will part with their stuff to help someone else. I have also seen new foster parents get outfitted with everything they need And a pregnant woman in the hospital with complications have supplies she needed waiting for her on the porch when she got home.

Since joining, I think I had 5 or 6 people come to pick things up. So much of that stuff (some maternity clothes, skinny jeans sitting and mocking me, a bouncer, already retired baby clothes) that I let sit because "I might need it someday" is being put to real use now, and honestly it feels good. The Boy is worried I will give everything in our house away, but it does feel so good to see someone ask for something and know that we can help them. It feels like good stewardship to just keep things moving and in use.

These exchanges really do build community in the neighborhood I am in, moreso than anything else we are involved in so far in Seattle. The Buy Nothing Project is large enough here that they have it split into neighborhoods, so I am meeting many more people nearby (I think our group is going to break in 2 soon as well). It sets up cycles of gratitude and giving, and it really is amazing.

2. It Minimizes Waste- Did you know the average American will produce 60 times their weight in plastic waste in their lifetime? Sixty times! And that stuff isn't going anywhere. When you have a baby, you go through so much stuff so fast, it's practically one time use, but if you keep passing that bassinet or excersaucer along, you can get so many more years of useful life out of it. There is this narrative that we need everything, but you only really need things while you need them, and if 5 babies use that same onesie for 3 months each, you have really made it worth it (baby clothes is also a great place to do this because it is near impossible to find made in America or Ethically made little people wares).

3. It can Save a Lot of Money- In the month I have been involved, I have seen people give away fancy strollers, televisions, furniture, and all sorts of baby clothes. I have also seen tons of kitchen stuff and even fresh veggies from gardens go. Our group is even starting special clothes exchanges so similarly-shaped women can share dresses instead of buying new ones for every event we go to. If you can use the group to save (oodles) of money, you can make more ethical/ healthy choices elsewhere as well. It makes me think of my brother who is moving across the country.

You aren't going to be able to stop buying anything (at least I don't think so), but you can give yourself some cushion to only spend where you absolutely need to/ where you can be doing good with your money. It can totally shift your paradigm, and change how you spend your money.

So yeah, I love this project.

You can learn more about the Buy Nothing project here. You can find your group here. There are also lots of places in the US that don't have one yet, so if your area isn't covered- think about starting one! I really think it would be simple once the page is set up, and if you don't want to fight with that part, I would happily help.  I think it would be an amazing service to your area and it is a great opportunity to be a good steward for the environment!

In the last week, another blog has been circulating around facebook about umbilical cords being used as a scapegoat to enable doctors to put pregos on the fast, easy, and surgical train to mommyhood. These bloggers, who I am sure have some sort of medical degree in being nasty to other women, are all over the internet, and as infuriating as I sometimes find them, the suggestion that moms should be ashamed of their c-section (or epidural or circumcision or not having their child naked in the woods with Disney animals putting flowers in their hair) is pervasive beyond the interwebs. After my birth, family members were afraid to ask me what happened. After hearing I had a c-section, a friendly stranger took the opportunity to tell me a beautiful story of a woman who pushed through a wrapped umbilical cord to have a tense but profound vaginal birth and a healthy baby.

Well, good for that lady, but what does that have to do with me?

Nothing makes me angrier than women intentionally trying to make other women feel bad for their choices. Whatever you have chosen for yourself is great for you, but that doesn't mean it is right for the woman next to you. I am sure this woman had good intentions (I am not convinced that's true for some of these mommy bloggers), but the not-so-hidden message is that there is a "right way" to deliver and if it didn't work out that way, I have failed. You have failed. Any of us who aren't out naked in the woods have failed. Our child and our bodies are unnatural,

My honest opinion is that your baby's birth and raising is a lot like the connection between a wedding day and a marriage; you can have the world's best shindig and get divorced the next year, or you can be that bride who fell off a dock and still smile when you see your partner 50 years later. There is no correlation, and if you spend too much time focusing on the start, you miss wherever you are today, which is also pretty great. Naturalness is just as much a social-construct as tradition, and it isn't helping anybody.  I mostly didn't want to write about my birth because I generally don't find those kinds of stories all that interesting or to be anyone's business. I don't tell you about how I got pregnant either, but if you tried to make me feel ashamed about it, I might (don't test me),

But the truth is that even beyond my petulant annoyance that women do these things to each other, when I look back on those days in the hospital (25 hours of which were spent getting this goober out of me), I smile and I feel genuinely glad that it went so well. Here's why:

Because BBG teaches me a daily lesson that things don't go the way I want them to, and more often than not, that's great. Before labor, I told my doctor I had nearly no expectations; I wanted a healthy baby and no c-section (because more kids were in the plan, so it seemed like it would cause more problems in the future). As the due date grew near, everything got wider but my hips, and my mother started to wisely warn me my two goals may not be realistic. My water broke, and that set the wheels in motion to change everything. Basically, the birth I expected to have chipped away, but so far, life since then has gone the same way, and I am not complaining. I don't see any value in mourning a plan when the reality is better.

Because it does take strength and a hell of a lot of courage. Five months later, I feel kind of shocked that I went through what I went through. Mostly, I feel like I was a real badass, I think back on myself, laying completely naked on a metal table, making jokes with the anesthesiologist who was sure I wasn't medicated enough, and I wonder who that person was, because I would like her to get me some Mardi gras beads. I feel proud that I got through it, and that I impressed this dude who thought I couldn't handle the intense pain.

The underlying narrative to almost any conversation about labor is that the more intervention you get, the weaker you are.

That's crazy. It is scary to get rolled into surgery, or to feel someone cutting you open and pulling things out.  You feel every bit of it, and it takes focus to work through that pain and that fear. I did 6 hours of labor with no drugs. Then 4+ hours with just petocin. I did 24 hours of the vaginal delivery path before getting rerouted. Basically, I got to try every type of labor. It's all hard. It's all scary or painful in different ways. If you have had a baby, you are strong. You are brave. You have felt pain. Anyone who tries to tell you different is a jerk.

Because I am lucky to have a healthy baby. I believe in medical interventions when you need them. I feel glad that the little grey/purple baby who came out of me is now a very fat and happy bruiser of an infant. After 24 hours, we were both showing signs of an infection. His heart rate was dipping and not coming back This is only one of about a million perfectly legitimate reasons why a mother might choose to have a c-section. Maybe it would have turned out fine either way, but I will never have to sit asking myself if I could have done more, and for that, I am grateful.

Because so many things that day matter more to me than whether he took the side exit. Women can have so many fond memories from the disgusting miracle of birth, and the actual exit moment is only one of them. I laughed that day. I watched a Pirates of the Carribean sequel that I swear lasted the whole labor. Both of BBG's grandmas met him on his birthday. My mom stood by us the whole time, making us laugh and giving me strength. Each person gets to decide what memories are most valuable to them, and honestly, I feel good about the whole shebang.

Because who doesn't love a smiley face scar. At first, I struggled with having a scar, but it really looks beautiful to me now. My body will never look the same again, but I won't ever be the same again, so the change feels appropriate, A c-section scar is way more out there than other birth scars, but it's a daily reminder of what my body can do. Like a tattoo reminder. I think it is beautiful on other women, and it looks cuter to me each day.

Because it was my choice, and I made an informed and supported decision. I had supportive and open doctors and nurses who were behind my goals even past what we expected (they stuck through hours of potential infection and pirate movie, because that's what I wanted). Not everyone gets this, and this is worth getting riled up about. So rather than being antagonistic against people not making the same choice as you do, I wish people would get more riled up that not every gets the same range of choices they do.One of my girlfriends was laughed out of the doctor's office when she explained her drug-free water birth plans. This is equally ridiculous (she went on to have 2 great homebirths).

My choices were afforded to me from my privileges and insurance, and everyone should have the right to make their own choices, no matter what.That's a real problem, and I think the energy we have about births is misdirected at each other. I just want to make it clear I didn't get a c-section because I was uninformed, or pressured, or unsupported. None of these were true for me, and it shouldn't have to be true for anyone.

Because there is no "easy way" of giving birth. Damn Eve! That fruit better have been delicious. I had a challenging, but overwhelmingly positive, experience.  I look back at it fondly, but it certainly was no walk in the park. There is only one person who can give birth easily, and that is my mother-in-law. For the rest of us, it is some sort of tough. This was mine, and I am proud of it.

So to everyone from well-meaning friends to internet randos, I reject your shame, You're right- I could have made different decisions, and they would have most certainly elicited differing results, but that doesn't mean they would have been better. I may not have been around to be a mom for this tiny pooping machine who is currently telling our furniture something very important. He may not have been here to weirdly stick his fingers in my mouth while he eats. So weird.

I hope this empowers other women to stop apologizing for their births as well. You did it right. However you need to feel about it is right for you. Your baby doesn't care how they got out; you gave them a gift, no matter how it happened.

So you may never know why the woman across from you made a different choice than you, and truly, it is none of your business, so the correct response is to just to congratulate her. And done. No suggestions needed. Let's use this as another opportunity to all be a little kinder to each other.