10 Movies on my Movie List I am Just Not Looking Forward To

by - Tuesday, January 07, 2014

As devoted readers know, I have been plodding through the AFI 100 and now the National Film Registry as an epic movie watching mission (to offset my regular intake of Gordon Ramsey and anything on Bravo). I am now 53 movies in, and overall, more films have been great than horrible (I am looking at you, Chinatown). This week, Raging Bull turned out to be a real stinker (so Martin Scorcese loves the tortured self-destructive narcissistic masculine psyche? I got it. Why are so many of his movies on this list?). I have noticed that I am on the losing half of the list, where most of what is left looks like no fun at all. These will inevitably surprise me, because people love them for a reason. Still, let's look at the films on AFI's list that will probably bring up the rear:

10. The Bridge on the River Kwai- Ok, I want to dread this, but if it is good enough for Ron Swanson, it is good enough for me. Also, I think William Holden is an earlier generation's John Goodman. (The Deer Hunter also almost made the list, but who can fight with a movie set in Pittsburgh?)
9. A Clockwork Orange- Can't we all just watch Vinyl instead? I know this one has a rape scene to look forward to.
8.Schindler's List- Well, I hear this one is a real laugh. When do you decide you are in the mood to be depressed?
7. The Last Picture Show- It's less this movie and more that it comes smack dab in the middle of a list that is all dude-centric movies. They just get old after a while, but we have to get over it, because masculine angst is basically all that is left.
6.The Wild Bunch- AFI loves themselves some Westerns, and if John Wayne isn't there, I can't really see why people bother. Again William Holden stars.
5. Citizen Kane- Some of these suffer from over-hype and the fact that EVERYONE knows how it ends. Maybe it really will blow my mind. Or, maybe not.
4.Any of the stuff from the 20's- Do you know how much fun it is to watch silent movies? I kind of love them, but there are just so so many.
3.Platoon- Deep stuff happens in the Military! Also, lots of violent stuff, I imagine.
2. Unforgiven- The only thing worse than a Wayne-less Western is one starring Clint Eastwood. I don't get why he is such a big deal, because he just looks like he is smelling something stinky. Plus there was that whole thing where he talked to a chair. Not super impressed.
1. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington- The Boy assures me I have seen this already (is Ms. Clark's class?), and this may account for the clear vision I have of the movie in my head,  but if you can't remember it, you can't count it. Old Jimmy can be a lot. Super self-righteous Jimmy? TOO MUCH.

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