Wedding Wednesday- Why I'm Excited about my Groomzilla or The Perks of Co-ed Planning

by - Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I have been shocked in the last few weeks how many people have reacted with pity when I mention how involved and invested the Boy has been in the planning of our wedding. I certainly think they are entitled to their opinion, and obviously what works for them works for them, but I personally think it is awesome we live in an age where it should be perfectly great for a groom to care too. Because if you still think it is weird for a guy to care about things that are usually considered for women (exceptions being breastfeeding, menstruation, etc), you are a sexist. No joke. By suggesting men shouldn't care about these things, you are both doing them a disservice (the best example here would be emotional literacy, which is still a big issue in masculinity) AND deeming it less worthy of their attention. I call bullshit. If the wedding is the gateway drug into your marriage, he should care in some form or another. Because it is not the 50's, and it is his marriage too. I'm super bored with all these fake constructions of uninvested masculinity. If he really doesn't care about the traditional wedding, you should do something that he likes too. Elope. Do something super small. If he really doesn't seem to care about any of it at all, why would you marry him? Rant over.

 They also seem pretty shocked that, generally speaking, he is much more committed to getting things right in the details than I am, even though that is very true to our personalities. He is the consummate hard worker and perfectionist, whereas I bring a lot of the imagination and ideas. This is only one reason that I am really lucky to have a groom who is planning with me, and I can think of quite a few more:

1. It has been really fun- Other than a few tiffs here and there, it has been really fun to do all of the wedding stuff together. Yes, it means I have had to edit some things I was originally sad about, but let's face it, had I had my way completely, people would be going to a circus wedding in 10 days. Not that it would have been a bad thing, but it wouldn't have been his thing.

2. Communication styles are different, in a good way- I am a pushover. I feel unbelievably grateful that people want to help us and I try to constantly ask for the bare minimum because I am sure they are dreading every second of helping (even though I never feel that way when the shoe is on the other foot). It's a Greene thing. On the other hand, The Boy asks for exactly what he wants from people helping. Exactly. I help him remember to be thankful, and he helps us get a lot more done. At the same time, he hates actually calling to people or speaking to them in person, which is not so traumatic to me. No matter what, your partner should be able to cover for you in some of the things you aren't so crazy about. And even if you both hate the same stuff, you get to do 50% less.

3. He cares about stuff that I know matters, but am fine with him dealing with- Oh seating chart, I was sure you would haunt my dreams, and instead, I barely worried about you. God bless fiances who know all the corners of Microsoft Excel spreadsheets.

4. I always have someone to bounce ideas off of, and it is never treated as unimportant or frivolous- This is the one I would have the most trouble with otherwise. I understand some of what I want is ridiculous and has literally no bearing on whether we will eventually be married. But damn it, I want to make everybody a bracelet! It is very nice to never feel stupid about wanting things to be great.

5. Takes some of the pressure off- The Boy knows how everything is supposed to be, and he is willing to put a good stink up about it. This means I shouldn't be the only person available to answer questions in decorating. Even better, he has a much better chance of having some sassy moments toward the end, so hopefully that will split the attention more evenly.

6. It gets to be another thing that we did together, much like many other things- I like that this is just another goal to set and accomplish together, rather than an epic culmination or something, it just feels like a slightly heightened version of a lot of things we have done before. I think that helps it from getting too out of control stressful. There still feels like there is life after the wedding.

7. We got to enjoy the whole thing together- Did I mention its been fun? Right now, the Boy is still in California, and I think he is sad to miss some of this last minute craziness, because mostly it has been a good excuse to spend time with our loved ones. That is always a good time and never a bad thing.

8. The Wedding will actually look like both of us- This is no hot pink sparkle princess extravaganza. I brought the color and he brought the neutrals. I brought the craziness and he brought the order. I have no idea whether any of it will work yet or not (obviously), but I know whatever crazy mess it is, it is made out of both of our crazy heads.

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