Three Weird Things I Discuss with my Infant

by - Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Because, really, how many times can you talk about their previous burp?

1. Family Health Histories- Usually on walks, where I become exceptionally aware of how bad I am at the whole making conversation thing, but I figure it's information BBG might eventually need.
2. Etymology- It's all for language skills, right? So why not just talk about what I know about words? Because I know so little. He has to be bored. But not as bored as when we read Goodnight Moon.
3. About our Enemies, the Spiders- If someone listened in, they would think I am a crazy person, and they would be right. I will sing the itsy bitsy spider, but the child must know that we do not tolerate spiders traipsing in our house or up our spout. Luckily, we live in Seattle, so the sun does not come out and dry up all the rain.

Talking to an infant may be a necessary part of the job, but it feels like hearing just how stupid your stream of consciousness is every time you open your mouth.  If my child hits toddlerhood with a strong hate for a spiders and an extensive knowledge of diabetes and cancer, I will have done my real maternal job of making him sufficiently weird.

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