13 Things You Don't Realize Until You Leave Franklin, PA

by - Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Hedging: This is no slam on anyone who now lives in or out of Franklin. I swear these are all based on moments The Boy and I have had when we realize we aren't in Franklin anymore. 



1. Apparently other people vacuum their floors, I sweep mine- Also, jagger, not thorn. And "to be" is not nearly as useful as other people seem to think. The floors needs swept is a perfectly legitimate sentence (The Boy just read this as I was writing it, and it blew his mind. He had no idea that everyone doesn't say "this needs cleaned" or "the ring needs destroyed"). Also, this can be the quickest way to find other people from PA.  You don't need to be from Polklahoma to have an accent.

2. Grocery Stores can be filled with people you don't know- At certain hours and in certain levels of lazy fashion failures, this is even a good thing.

3. Not everyone knows someone who owns lots of guns (in a totally non-creepy way)- Last weekend, we had the gun debate with a friend, and as is often the case, he was surprised (given our general super-liberalism) that we are mostly ok with people having lots of guns (they should have licenses and background checks- and some guns nobody needs- we aren't crazy). Some of the gentlest and most nature-loving people I know are also hunters, there is no disconnect there. Apparently, if your grandpa doesn't like wearing a bolo, doing sudoku, making his own ammo, and sitting in the woods, you have a different mental picture of what it means to be a gun-owner.

Also, and this has been noted many times in and out of Franklin, first day of deer season is not a holiday everywhere.

4. "Frownie Brownie" sounds super racist- Also, the t-shirt has certain historically specific connotations people aren't fond of. It even gets worse if you try to explain it to someone. I am totally sure it is unintentional, but I have been suspicious since I realized the wall of the Barkeyville King's Lady Bathroom says "KKK" on it.

5. You need Identification when you go to the bank- Looking just like one of your parents does not help you when it isn't Northwest Savings Bank.

6. Nearly nothing takes 15 minutes to get to (and some people don't use time as a form of measurement)- Franklin to the cranberry mall? 15-20 minutes. Franklin to Utica? 15 to 20 minutes. To Barkeyville? 15-20 minutes. Also, some people measure distance in miles. For the record, I would guess these distances based purely on the assumption everyone drives at exactly 60 miles an hour at all times.

7. You can buy beer in grocery stores- You can even buy liquor outside the hours of 9 to 5. I still feel like someone might kick me out when I am in the Safeway booze aisle, because I am in the state store without my Mom.

8. Meeting people is its own skill; You haven't always sort of known everyone you know- When people ask when or how the Boy and I met, the short answer is Marching Band. The long answer is that his brother dated my friend all the way back in Middle School, and I can remember watching his dad at the pizza shop as a kid, and there is a picture of he and my mom when he was in 7th grade. When you get out of the small town, friendship feels more like world's colliding. In Franklin, it can feel more like you have always already known that person.

9. Everything is louder than the mighty Allegheny- You miss genuine quiet, or even the slight buzz of 322 and the sound of the river. Both my brother and I both have to listen to things to sleep, but city quiet is never quiet enough, so you are better off drowning it out.

10. Things other than Walmart (and formerly Kings) can be open at 3 in the morning- If it is very late, and you would like to do something or go somewhere, there are other options than "just drive around" or go to Walmart. Though I have found there are fewer King's or Eat'n Park-like establishments in the world than it needs.

11. Parking tickets can be expensive! No longer 2 bucks, every ticket for the rest of your life will remind you of Franklin as a parking utopia.

12. You have to tell your doctor your family history- Because he wasn't also your mom's doctor, or friends with your grandma, etc. I will say, I am cool with our baby not being delivered by the doctor who delivered me, which I know for a while happened a lot in Franklin. No one needs lady parts comparisons with their mother.

13. You can tell your family news before they hear it at the beauty salon or curves- My advice: tell everyone around the same time, or else your grandmas will discuss it at Curves before you get to them. Just because you have left Franklin doesn't mean that people won't still know your business, but the distance means you can at least put it out there at your own speed.

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