30 Day Lady Positivity Challenge- Day 22

by - Thursday, May 29, 2014

Day 22- Something you don't have that you find beautiful in other women- A Sense of Cool Paired with a Clarity about Who They Are

I feel like this is the most dangerous of all the prompts because A) it could easily fall into completely useless self-deprecation and B) it can become an all too common pass time for everyone, especially women (can we all ask again why thigh gap even became a thing?). In some basic reads of womanhood, reads that I mostly think are wrong and unfair, we treat each other badly because we are jealous. I think that is kind of crap, and that even if those emotions exist, I have known very few women who are actually particularly driven by the desire to have what someone else has got. So, because this could easily be construed as a stage to knock myself or to exercise some superficial jealousy that is so often wrongly attributed to my sex, I feel like this day is especially important.

I chose that miraculous combination of clarity and chill that I see in other women and always just think is cool. I am not chill about things. I either care a lot about something or not at all, but I always really appreciate women who never seem fraught or overly concerned with their aesthetic, but it still just works. I assume you can pull off that kind of seeming effortlessness (though I am sure it is not effortless at all) because in the cases I am thinking of, they have a really deep and well-set sense of who they are and what their aesthetic is.

Our friend Julia has this quality in spades. I don't think I have ever seen her not look perfectly put together in a way that seems like she didn't even try. Plus, she has a real aesthetic connection between everything she does. I am pretty convinced that she has an instagram filter in her brain that is actually too cool for us mere mortals to see (like a dog whistle if the dogs are all hip people from San Francisco). She has long been the partner of my old room mate Chris, so we met her through him, and I instantly liked her a lot. She first struck me as being funny, honest, and open- her sense of style only became undeniably apparent over time.

First of all, Julia is very beautiful in a way that doesn't look like every other person. She is pretty while also being distinctive, in a way that great art objects can be pretty in a way that still makes you notice. Julia often looks fresh faced, but I honestly can't even tell you whether she wears makeup. Her style is consistently simple and beautiful, without any overwrought belaboring or self-protecting irony (I think there is some badass courage in that as well).

She can rock a neutral, and that is big praise coming from me, because I would prefer to wear the rainbow at all times. In that same way, there is always something interesting or stylish about what she is wearing, but it never announces itself. Her clothes never say "Look at me! I am way cooler than you!" but eventually, you catch on that it has happened.

 What I find most interesting about Julia is that this ease (maybe grace is the right term?) also translates into how she relates to other people. She just got her master's and I think she will be a spectacular therapist. Often, even when we first got to know her, I would leave conversations with her and have no idea how she got me to talk about very intimate details of my life or relationship without my realizing it until after the fact. And I am never mad about it, but just kind of surprised at her honesty and my own (and that it just kind of unfolds).  I have definitely had conversations with her that I have never had with any of my other friends, but I bet that is true with all of her friends.

So here's to you, Julia, and to all the girls who seem to just have it together when I am still proud if I can make a whole outfit match itself. You have this complete, no frills honesty tied together with clear vision and genuine kindness. It all just works, and that is beautiful.

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