My Top Ten Qualms with How I Met Your Mother's Ever So Beloved Finale-

by - Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Last night, The Boy and I caught up on the last 6 or so episodes of How I Met Your Mother before watching the finale online. As you might imagine, this will be spoiler-y, but if you don't know what happened by now, I am going to safely assume you don't much care.

 Yes, yes, yes, we can all agree that the finale was a bummer. It was shitty of them to kill of the Mother after establishing her as a far superior fit for I get that people are angry (and I don't disagree), but let's not confuse this with the travesty that was the end of Lost (seriously, I will never watch anything Cused or Lindlehofed again... I hate those guys). Still, I feel

10. Where's Marshall? I missed Marshmellow. He didn't have much a of a plot in the finale, except he stops in to fill people in on his career success. But that kind of bummed me out, because I feel like he and Lilly always worked to fight the idea that once people are partnered with their person, there isn't much story left. But that is basically what the finale said.
9. I'm sorry, but isn't this "twist" now the most played-out tv trope in history? Does anyone know ANYONE in real life who does a Ross and Rachel? Or JD and Elliot? Or now Robin and Ted? You know why? Because you can't. You can't constantly be racking up rejections and near misses with someone and then live with that baggage. I feel like this trope, though maybe suspenseful and useful for keeping your viewership, ALWAYS rings false. It's a bunch of nonsense. If your regard towards a person changes that dramatically with the seasons, trust me, its not a love worth keeping. Eventually, people just move on, AS THEY SHOULD. I just think they want to give themselves credit for doing something daring, but I don't think their viewers were actually all that interested in Robin and Ted as a couple. They both were better with other people, whiny about each other, and in the past two seasons any "flame" left between them felt like the ENDLESS beating of a dead horse. We were ready to move on, I just think it was lazy writing to keep bringing it back as a conflict.
8. Why does Robin show up in the flash forwards, yet has abandoned them here? Girl, do you only come around once every 5 years to drink with Lilly and talk about that one day with Marvin and Mike Tyson? Because with all the fraught, angsty, wigginess you were giving last night, that seems unlikely.
7. Did Barney murder his baby's mother? Why is she missing? Nothing like trying to sell the man as overcoming his misogyny by not even giving the mother of his child basic personhood. Also, exactly how many times do we have to watch him overcome his misogyny, because it makes his character development ring as false (borderline creepy?) as the "romance" of the show. Seriously, couldn't have even shown her once?
6. Did the Mother die from convenient plot device disease? Oh HIMYM, you are not Up. You have not crafted a beautiful, soul crushing ballet here. Just a weird plot hole. I think we were going for a last big plot twist, but really? She is in a hospital bed, so fatal bed sores?
5. Where is the hairdresser??- Ooooh, this would be number one, but it isn't actually part of the finale, so I have to downgrade it. We went through this really arduous recounting of Robin and Barney's wedding weekend. Seriously, these people live in a strange universe where time is seemingly endless and every day has 52 hours in it. Yet, on the wedding day episodes, Robin and Lilly go from jerseyed to quaffed in 30 seconds flat with no sign of any help. We get it, boys wrote this show, but what a weird ass thing to leave out.
4. Holy shit, Ted Mosby is an asshole! Really? Based on the timeline your show has given us, the Mosby children only knew their mother until they were 8-10 at best. These are people who might genuinely benefit from hearing about the other half of their DNA. The show in the end comes of as so deeply inappropriate and narcissistic that you can't help but question why we would even want to root for this creepy guy. Why would they want to hear about Robin?
3Why don't these people age? Why are wigs and baubles the only sign of aging? Why did they look so much older in the old flashforwards? Why doesn't Ted Mosby turn into Bob Saget? So many questions.
2. Why weren't their kids at their wedding? You know the coolest thing about getting married when your kids are older? They can come. What a bunch of nonsense.
1.  Why is the Mother's Band so bad?? Why is no one mentioning this??? No wonder Ted left the reception early. No one was dancing but one deeply committed girl in an orange dress, and they seemed to be playing the background track for Kenny G. I thought this was a badass girl on the bass! How did no one think of this plothole as a problem? And no wonder she left the reception in the middle as well, because they probably got kicked out? What kind of bullshit was that?

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