Top Ten Best Things About Buying A House

by - Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Wow, this business is practically no fun at all! Like, none, truly. Buying homes has earned its bad rep, and we are getting a good taste of the whole annoyingness of it all.  And adults like to give each other knowing nods about what a bummer the whole thing is, in the same way people like to one up birthing horror stories. I hate that part of being an adult.  Apparently, the only thing you are supposed to enjoy is when it is all over.

I just am not ready to concede that there is nothing to enjoy here. If the only thing I can think of to say about an experience is that it really sucks, then it has defeated me, and Sauron has won. So, here you go, the best parts of homebuying:

10. Being scared, intimidated, etc- I have been formulating a theory that adulthood partially consists of a delicate balance of boredom and gut wrenching fear, usually at the same time. At least in early adulthood, no one knows what the hell they are doing. You can either decide to stay in the corner you understand or you can keep pushing out, being scared, and getting your butt kicked. It may seem counter-intuitive to keep throwing yourself out there, but I have to believe there is a lot to be learned here. We will know better later because we did this now, right?

9. That part before inspection where you list off all pretty things you can do to your house-This seems like a negative, and I guess it doesn't scream sunshine, but there exists this beautiful moment, between saying "this is it" and hearing the results of your inspections, where you think you will spend your money on cool rugs and a tv stand that doesn't look like an 80's spaceship cabin. Of course, this moment is fleeting. Of course, that money is going to pipes, fans, and other things you will never see. Enjoy this beautiful time, dear friend, because I am willing to bet that list will last you for years and years.

8. Learning the difference between titles, escrow, and "closing costs"- Ok, in total honesty I am still not sure what "closing costs" entail. But I already know more now than I did when we started, so that's a win, right?

7. Being just as boring as the people on HGTV- Have you ever watched House Hunters and thought "these have to be the most boring people on the whole of the Earth" or "man, I bet these people go home and continue to talk about exactly what kind of kitchen cabinets they would like" or, worst of all, "Really? More discussion of paint color? The most easily changed thing in the house?" Somewhere between House 1 and 10 on your list, you will hear yourself thinking the same thing about you. You lift away from your own body and start to wonder if your comments on the size of the bathroom are really worth saying out loud. It doesn't sound like a hilarious moment, and yet it is.

6. Looking at houses on the internet- this part is just fun. I loved it.

5. Making to do lists- I love a good to do list. It makes you feel in control of your life and a situation that mostly stays decidedly out of your control. Plus, we have fun dreaming about all the things we could do.

4. Imagining where you could put the Christmas Tree- That's when you know you should pay attention- when you start imagining the times that will matter in the space, that potential is overwhelming and cool and is probably why people buy houses in the first place. I liked this moment a lot, and thought like these get me through days like today, which nobody is going to mistake for the fun part.

3. Imagining where you could put your future dog that you will definitely be getting- Ah, a girl can dream. You know what is expensive? Buying a house. You know what also takes some moola? Pet ownership. The house-buying both encourages and crushes puppy dreams, but I will continue to focus on the part where we could have a dog and no one would kick us out of our living space.

2. You get to practice your signature a lot- For serious, who doesn't like writing their name so many times that they start to have an existential crisis about how they write their "a"'s? Also, what does it say about your maturity that at pivotal adulty moments, this sort of stuff creeps into your mind?

1. Paint Swatches- There are few pleasures in life greater than walking into home depot, pulling every swatch off the walls in the paint section, which takes just long enough that you are sure the staff has noticed, and walking off with your purse heavy in color. Come on! It's like stuffing your bag full of joy and possibilities.

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