Top Ten Things that Will Never Be on my Bucket List

by - Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Why isn't there an Out of the Bucket List? I mean, there are some things that show up on other people's lists of goals that just sound like the worst to me. These are some things I hope I never accomplish or that are so obvious I can't imagine someone exists who hasn't done them. 

1. Run a Marathon- I can see a 10k, but that is as far as I'll go. I might just do it wrong, but I think running is maybe the most boring thing a person can do. Maybe it is because I only ever did it on a treadmill, but I can remember my Mom going for many hours long runs, and that just sounds blechy to me.
2. Skydiving or Cliff Jumping- I am not afraid of heights, but I see no reason why either of these things would be fun. I look down on adrenaline. That seems like no fun to me. Plus you are weirdly tied to someone.
3. Experience a sunset/ sunrise (go star gazing)- Are you kidding me? Do you live in a cave? It is beyond me that someone could have lived their life without experiencing both of these at least by accident, on an airplane etc. I feel like this is one of the only things, minus being born and dying, that we all pretty much get to do. Unless they mean experience as in breath it in, really focus on it, have a profound moment and so forth. In which case, that also sounds horrible. I do not enjoy reflecting on nature.
4. Learn wine appreciation- I now know that I can drink white wine without making stanky face. I think I'm good. Wine is an expensive passtime, like golf, that seems to come with some super doushey personalities. Kudos to you if you have learned, because learning anything is probably good, but I find this to be an odd life goal.
5. Do public speaking in front of 100000 people/ be famous/etc. I would rather run a marathon off a cliff drinking wine at sunrise than actively seek out a crowd to watch me mutter through some sort of public speech. If I did have to give a speech, it would be about something completely inane with the hope I would eventually lose everyone's attention.
6. Tell your parents you love them- Really? In the time it takes to write that down you could fulfill this goal. Please, my goodness, let us all try to put this one into action, and not make it a distant goal to fulfill someday, because putting love off seems like the worst kind silliness.
7. Dive with sharks- I am very afraid of sharks. Never in a million years.
8.  Go to a rave- where are these raves??? Like clubs? I mean, I have done that, but if I have to wear fishnets and something that glows, I am probably out.
9. Learn to drive a stick shift- I know! This is the only one I actually feel some healthy guilt and shame about. I know its a good thing to know, and when the apocalypse comes and I am trying to drive away from the zombies I'll regret it, but never in my life have I ever felt motivated to learn to drive stick shift.
10. Going to such and such tropical island- I don't find relaxing that relaxing- I like adventures! So if I am going to an island, I am going to see my Mom. Otherwise, lets go see some ruins or museums or something.

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