Top Ten Best Things About Star Wars Episode 1

by - Thursday, February 21, 2013

Alright, tonight we kicked off the Star Wars movie marathon. Lucky for this one, the worst is first, so it should only get better (though not that much better- Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christiansen are equally bad) from here. 

10. It actually is worse than you remember, so you get to feel justified about your ill will- No seriously. The exposition has somehow gotten lost, yet the movie is ridiculously long. The dialogue is ridiculous (What just came out of the main hole? THE MAIN HOLE???).
9. The editing- Maybe I am a snob, but I don't think you should steal your transitions from cheesy power point presentations.


8. The total disconnect between Naboo and Queen Amidala's costumes- If she lives in a kind of 19th century take on the Renaissance (with a little Hagia Sophia thrown in), why do her costumes remind me of a Chinese Opera? This movie kind of makes me think that George Lucas just sort of did whatever he thought would be cool, and no one loved him enough to say it made absolutely no sense.
7. That Yoda is weirdly cross-eyed- How did no one figure this out before? Why did this happen???
6.The lightsaber fight- Ok, I don't care about this, but the Boy swears it's good. I want to know why there is a spaceship in the center of the Naboo capital. It makes absolutely no sense what that room is supposed to be. The Boy says it is the major power source.
5. Anakin's friend's eyebrows- Those are some distinct eyemustaches.

4. Warwick Davis in the Pod race sequence- We never noticed he was there before! I was pretty proud of myself for spotting him, and he was pretty hilarious, so all in all it was a win. Oh, now the Boy is reading about it and apparently he was three different people. Shit! We just found anakin's little blue friend was Greedo as a child! Bizarre. Also, Baby Greedo was played by Warwick Davis.
3. Liam Neeson- Is this his first movie in a long line of phone it in action movies? Pretty much every other actor in the majority of this sounds like they are reading their lines off a piece of paper (do I need to rant about natalie Portman again?) but he is pretty much fine.
2.Samuel L Jackson- Of course, he makes everything a little bit better. He is genuinely cool enough to come off as the best jedi ever. It really really works. The Jedi circle of varied pseudo-modernist chairs was about the only thing that I thought was better than I remembered.
1. The Music- You hit the climax, and you want it to just be over already, and all the sudden you notice the music is really picking up. The music really is pretty great.

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