Wedding Wednesday- My Fairy Tale Ending? How About Not?

by - Wednesday, July 18, 2012

from ruffledblog.com/sydney-town-hall-wedding/
Watching Say Yes to the Dress this week (ahh TLC), I noticed a trend in their rhetoric (which deep down suggests that the ultimate goal for every bride is to get a 10,000 dollar whoretastic Pnina dress); they are always saying if the girl "follows her heart" or "sticks to her guns" etc, she will get her fairy tale ending.I assume this is a reference to the end  of Disney fairy tales, where princesses generally marry some super vanilla dude (as opposed to the originals, where they either die or someone else does). 


I am sorry, but why is this a goal? Fairy tale, whatever, I kind of get that. But there is something SUPER depressing of thinking about your wedding as a culmination. Doesn't transition seem better?

from http://www.stylemepretty.com/2012/07/06/oregon-wedding-at-mcmenamins-by-amanda-k-photography/
The Boy and I talked about it, and we wondered how tied this is to some olden time where a woman's primary function in life is to find a husband. Then she transforms into "mother" which somehow separates you from your personhood. It is clearly not a coincidence that until very recent times, Disney princesses never have mothers. I always primarily assumed that this was to provide them with extra vulnerability, but now I wonder if the post-marriage woman is actually somewhat inconceivable in this whole wedding paradigm. 

This is the most depressing, least true to life, paradigm in the world;  Does this bride look so somber because her life is over? There is nothing left to look forward to? All the rest of her life is nothing like a fairy tale? There is nothing else to figure out? And if so, why throw a party for it??? AGGhhhhhh!!! I am so confused!

from imgfave.com/collection/72773/My-future-wedding
Of course, to a certain extent, I kind of get how in the middle of wedding craziness, you can feel like you are running toward a finish line and lose track of the fact that there are plenty of other things to look forward to that have nothing to do with dresses or rsvps or decor (of course, the joy of cake should last you long after your wedding). Life shouldn't flatline into nesting nothingness (though I imagine living together takes some of the zing out of that particular phase). 

Maybe part of the reason why this whole "your wedding is the grand culmination of your life thus far" thing doesn't really make sense is because being in a relationship is not really an accomplishment. I get how it would sell more stuff and feeds the Wedding Industrial Complex (because if it is the last thing in your life that matters, it probably is worth the money and energy) From everything I hear and see, staying married is the tricky part. But this rhetorical move has been a stark reminder that there is life after your wedding. And it deserves more of your creativity, thought, and excitement than the one day musters. So, this week I feel like I am looking forward to more of the things coming after the wedding, and worrying less about all of the little stuff.

from offbeatbride.com/2012/07/fiery-rainbow-montage
So, here is a list of interesting, exciting things I am planning on once I am a married lady (other than cake, which clearly is becoming a theme here- can you tell I am most ready to move on from my bridey diet?). These are all in the next year and change, just the most immediate things I am planning:
Getting my Dissertation Proposal approved and going to do Research
Giving a paper in St. Louis
Writing my Dissertation
Walking in Walk for Alzheimers
 Going to Egypt! (and hopefully Turkey, and Greece, and who knows where else! As long as I have travel to look forward, Randy Fenoli cannot be right!)
Spending Thanksgiving with my Mom
Going on vacation in San Diego with the Alfeos (I may finally get the Alfeo family Disneyland Eperience)
The Boy says he is looking forward to no more decision-making.
Tripping through the Southwest
Starting new traditions
Volunteering
Going to Medieval Times with my brother in LA

Maybe this is why brides on like Bridezillas (clearly I need to cut out my bridal reality television) always want to get it over with. I don't want that either! Just want to maintain and feed my excitement for life after this wedding as a way to keep the real point of this/ it's actual importance (and not so much) in focus.


And on that note- 37 days people! 37!!! 5 weeks!

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