Flash Back Friday- Wedding Wednesday- Stuff I Just don't Get

by - Friday, May 20, 2016

from www.hanksbridal.com/st-pucchi-couture-wedding-dress-9356.html
Ok, before I start this, I want to say none of these things are a knock at a particular person or wedding. I just don't understand how you get to these particular decisions, some of which I just couldn't make, and some which make me want to punch somebody. After however many months in wedding-planning-ville, it is obvious to me that it is really easy to get off track in about a million ways (2 million if you read wedding blogs). At the same time, these just seem way too far off the track. 
1. Wedding dresses that turn you into a spectacle- What I mean is anything by Pnina Tornai. I also think there is something kind of sad about the princess fantasy- if you aren't a princess, you are just you- isn't that good too? I think that everybody has their own aesthetic taste (dresses that look like rumpled tissues on the bottom just look awful to me- I also don't want anything with oodles of sparkle or craziness), but i think the most important thing is to just look like yourself.
from www.fox47news.com/blogs/internalaffairs/218107531.html
2. Jello shots for the dollar dance- who thought of this? I mean, people can party however they want, but what correlation is there between dancing with your wedding guests and liquer-laced jello? Who wants to sign people up for that breadth right before they have to get right in their face? Why would you want your wedding to closely resemble a frat party? Jello shots at this moment make me feel sad.

from www.trendhunter.com/slideshow/geeky-wedding-cakes
3. Cake toppers like this winner-Blerg. This is one of those ones that I don't get no matter who you are. I just don't think it's funny. I mean, why would you want to suggest at your own wedding that one of the partners doesn't want to be there? Weddings have enough weirdo gendered stuff. Why add a big dose of men never want to get married and women always do? Gross.

from www.screamingqueens.com/period
from www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_318473/david-tutera/
4. David Tutera (it was tough to choose just one picture of his douchiness)- Every time I see that David Tutera wedding show, I want to elope. He somehow manages to single handedly highlight all the things that are really materialistic and horrible about weddings. I don't know if other people have this experience, but sometimes I like their original idea so much more than the David Tutera version. And I just hate that the premise is that you can have your dream wedding as long as you don't mind the whole thing being about this guy instead of your relationship and guests. Also, as long as you don't mind your wedding becoming an ad for the litany of wedding vendors picked for that particular episode. It just sucks. And it hightlights how much weddings can really suck when they become about what you buy for yourself. Also, Tutera demonstrates the ways in which the wedding industry can try to turn something ridiculous into something necessary (his current mission seems to be to have some sort of very stupid modern performance at every wedding... why? who knows). Clearly, I have a lot of beef with this, but I really think that his show is the worst of all the wedding shows because it is so purely about the materiality of the wedding and presents it as pure fantasy. Gross!
from http://www.nubiaphotography.com/blog/2009/04/bouquet-and-garter-toss-photographs/
5. The Bouquet and Garter Toss- no wedding tradition is simultaneously so old fashioned and innapropriate. Nothing like a little single shaming and handsiness to kick off your married life. I am glad this tradition is slowly dying.
6. Having a beautifully decorated wedding where you don't feed anyone anything- I should say, I don't have a problem with a dessert wedding, and I think a breakfast wedding would be amazing (who doesn't like breakfast food?), but I have noticed a trend on wedding blogs where when they show the budget breakdowns, nothing goes toward food. I wonder if the blogs themselves aren't the problem- if it isn't something you can enjoy in pictures forever, why waste money on it? To me, this is crazytalk! People love food! People love when you give them food! You have to enjoy your wedding in that moment, and part of that is feeding all the people there. They may not remember the food, but they will definitely remember being hungry! This ties right back to the David Tutera complex-- if it looks good, but it isn't fun, the entire purpose of the wedding has failed.
from etsy.com
7. Seriously Etsy? Usually I love you, but I think a personalized doushebag flag is probably not necessary for the universe. This goes back to my beef with the cake topper, and Offbeatbride.com has a great article on the heteronormativity and marriage-knocking tendencies inherent in the new flag trend.If you don't want to get married, you shouldn't. That simple. It's not 1952. No one is forcing you. Don't get married.
from www.thespecialeventexperts.com/tag/bridesmaid-skirts/
8. A wedding in all light neutrals- I see these pictures all over Ruffled and Style me Pretty, and I think they look nice, but then I think of how you would just have to turn away from color over and over again. Who wants to do that? Color is joy, people.This is one that shouldn't be an affront to my very core, but let's face it, it is. Congrats for your aesthetic restraint, but I am going to stay over here around the over the top color explosions.

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